Pieces Of A Larger Puzzle: A Beauty Versus A Beast

Admittedly, this blog has been rather silent in recent months as life has caused me to retrace certain paths and regain some pieces of myself that I thought were lost to my own experiences.   As I've managed to gain clarity and remain thankful for newfound wisdom, I have seemingly regained time to jot down a few thoughts and, once again, begin to bombard you with my opinions and dare you to see things through eyes other than your own.  

To that, I  say in advance, "Say less...  you're welcomed".

THE PERFECTION OF PUBLIC DECEPTION 

Today's headlines seem to be saturated with opinions concerning the ongoing Sean Combs trial and it's attempts to relay guilt or innocence to the masses.  As I watch moments of review from differing media sources, I am amused that no one has stepped back far enough to realize that Comb's defense lawyers are willful participants in the public dismantling of Combs while pretending to defend him against unclear accusations and muddled truths.

Please allow me to offer my vantage point....

Cassie Ventura is, indeed, the star witness. 

Delaying the trial until Cassie has been solidified into a new image of innocence was an  absolutely brilliant move on behalf of Federal prosecutors.  The image of a pretty, pregnant, soft spoken young woman provokes the perfect image of a damsel in distress.  Her willingness to come forward while trying to regain a picture perfect resemblance of life with her new relationship in full bloom offers a dark contrast to the ten years of horror she has spent as a drugged out sex slave suffering from Stockholm syndrome.  While many see her testimony as an epic fail, I see it as a stroke of genius as the prosecution has lain a foundation that will triumph over anything that the defense will offer.

Ventura's niave innocence and maternal beauty is picturesque  and it is further underlined by her inability to respond maturely to the court.  Her lingual development appears stunted and would lead the jury to believe that she is no more than a mindless, impressionable child who was cruelly manipulated by her abuser.  By answering detailed questions through tears or childish laughter, the prosecution masterfully paints a picture of an underdeveloped psyche that has been trapped in a woman's body.  Her immature and slow responses serve to trap any onlookers to believe that she has trouble with verbalizing her feelings, relaying discomfort, or even make any type of intelligent  statement of defiance that would be taken seriously by Combs.

By comparison, Combs' presence in the courtroom is formidable.   He is dressed casually; as if he is shrugging his shoulders at the justice system and will rise above this inconvenience   His smug, casual appearance can be seen as arrogant and condescending; furthering an air of being untouchable.   After all, he is a corporate mogul who understands the languages of multimillion dollar contracts, NDAs, and he weilds the intelligence and breath of knowledge needed to maintain a business empire known around the world.  

Cassie was prepared perfectly as the star witness because her civil case has already  been won.  By settling with her in just  one day for an undisclosed amount of money, Combs has already admitted guilt.  By having Ventura to go in great depth about the sexual and physical abuse she has endured, she proves that Combs can be a transformative manipulator who is not to be trusted.  Her continued presence in the courtroom will serve as a resounding alarm of what Combs is truly capable of repeating if he is ever offered freedom.  So, he must be found guilty of something in order to allow innocence like hers to flourish in healthy and fruitful relationships.  

Indeed, the contrasts between the two of them is a supreme victory for the prosecution.  Her one word, childish responses and doe-eyed innocence feeds directly into painting Combs as a predator.  Knowing this, the attorneys were purposefully targeted in their askings.  They did not ask her to detail any crimes concerning racketeering or prostitution in an effort to preserve her blind allegiance to Combs.  This further deepens the belief of an underlying, child-like compliance and will leave  many jurors feeling as if she would be oblivious to even understanding the complexity of any legal terminology.   Even when asked why she did not escape, Ventura responded like a school girl in love; hoping that she would, one day, please her oppressor.  As the star witness and main victim of Combs' ongoing crimes, Ventura opened the jurors eyes to be empathetic to each person who would follow her onto the stand.  She also lends creditability to others who would fall victim to this Stockholm syndrome in the years that followed her trappings.

Every witness who takes the stand after Ventura will serve only to take the jury further into this mental abyss.  The jurors will transfer the duality of Combs' personal and business relationships in the same manner.  They will see each witness as being innocent and niave to the intentions of this supreme manipulator.  They will use his template for destruction as an ongoing theme with each new encounter.  It is amazingly intelligent how the prosecuting attorneys opened this case with their strongest and most believable personality.  

I cant help but think that Combs' own attorneys are secretly rooting for the other side.  They suggested that he dress casually.  They have encouraged his family to appear in court, but didnt advise them to shy away from the luxurious drapings of living a lifestyle that is far out of the reach of many others in the courtroom.  The visual that is painted will serve as a reminder that Combs, if proven innocent, will only return to being the same mongrel mogul that history has revealed him to be.  Even if Combs can maintain his demeanor during the trial, the jurors will be discredited and take into accountability every groan, smirk, and air of privilege that is ushered into the room by his family.  

The prosecution already has a win given to them by having Combs' family. Their presence overshadows the humble persona that Combs is attempting to relay to jurors.  When Combs' own daughters excused themselves from the courtroom after hearing the list of sexual crimes in great detail, it rang out as an injustice that was too great to bear from his own support team.  This should have been seen as crippling and, if they were truly protecting Combs, his attorneys should have prepared the family prior to trial or ask that they only appear in court when called.  If used more strategically, his family could have been used to show Combs in a better light, but this single oversight in optics could prove detrimental to Combs' foundation.

The mere  presence of his family also ring true to his willful deceptions.  If his children should be asked to take the stand on his behalf, the jurors will take note that Combs has groomed his daughters for success; they are poised, well spoken, and worldly.  They will, unwittingly,  respond to questions eloquently and in full, concise sentences.  They will speak of collegiate aspirations and being led away from ever  entering the entertainment industry by their own father.  They will offer such a stark contrast to the innocence of Ventura that the jurors will only see the obvious trappings of a predator when they look at the 54-year old father of seven who is nestled comfortably amid a flanking of seven powerful attorneys in overpriced designer suits.

And, during a time of economic stress, Combs' public relations team has offered another decisive chip of arrogance for the jury to consider.  By paying passersby  $20 an hour to wear Sean John T-shirts the read, ""Free Diddy" just outside the court doors, they are only feeding into the idea that money and power are tools for manipulating poor people to,literally, sell their bodies for momentary gain.  By printing these shirts and making them available through Combs' own label, they only reinforce the idea that Combs is profiting through continually exploiting the innocence of others.  This was a badly executed show of supporting May serve as, yet, another win for the prosecution. 

In this courtroom brawl, so many battles are being fought at the same time.  It is a classic battle of poor versus rich and how power is used to make people do things they would not normally do.  It is a chance to persecute privilege and power and send a signal to those in power to remain humble or be judged for their constant manipulations of others.  Although Combs is but one of many, he may just be the sacrificial lamb at this time.  Everything seems to point to an obvious slaughter being played out right in front of our eyes.

And remember, more charges can be weighed against Combs at any time.  Many others in the entertainment industry who want to avoid public humiliation may come forward and speak against their old friend and support the underlying theme of Stockholm syndrome.  And, Ventura can always be recalled to the stand in order to remind the jury of innocence lost.  After all, the victim is often the hero in so many tales.

But alas, this is just ONE Man's Opinion...  what is yours?

Day and Knight

I awake from dreams each morning 

And begin living my nightmare.

In my dreams. I slay dragons;

But when I awake, they're still there.

Asleep, I am a cunning soldier

Trained with skills that few possess.

But when I wake and I remove my armor

I seem helpless in daily dress.

No, it's not an alter ego

Nor my disguise throughout the day

But, at night, I'm just more fearless

And my thoughts don't go astray.

Last night, I was the apprentice 

Who is oft forgotten in Author's tales

We focus more on knights and round tables,

Valiant battles and maiden's wares.

But standing nearby in the limelight 

Quickly attending to my teacher's needs

I was allowed to experience galantry

From my wood carved, uncushioned seat.

When the knights concluded planning

And rose from assigned seats

I was told the things to pack hastily

As they might fulfill my teacher's needs.

I was told I'd be the steward 

Left behind to maintain things

As my teacher and his companions

Went on an adventure for the King.

This was quite an undertaking

For an apprentice with big eyes,

I was excited, scared, and a little curious

As my stomach filled with butterflies. 

I watched from a high window

As the knights galantly departed

And just as they blended into the horizon

It was then that my adventure started.

Firstly, I scanned through potions, 

Then, exotic herbs and spices,

Then a forbidden book of spells

Brimming with curses; some not so nice.

But then, I stumbled into a hidden room

When a door opened by the shelf

Scared, but fearless, I decided

To have an adventure for myself.

The smell of brimstone opened my nostrils

And the gem-lined wall danced in my eyes

But then I saw a sight so frightful 

That I found myself paralyzed.

Part II coming soon

A Lesson On Happiness

While walking home from a local bodega tonight, I was blessed with the opportunity to exchange ideas with a colleague who was facing challenges in his relationship.   I usually offer an attentive ear and limit my responses when others are venting their frustrations because life has taught me that opinion is plentiful, knowledge is earned, and advice is something that should be asked for and not given freely.  Even then, it is important to temper words, taper emotions, and tap dance lightly so that the person seeking advice still feels free to consider your words as an optional avenue to resolve their issues instead of seeing it as an unwarranted, forceful solution to end their woes.

Although my friend expressed a great deal of anxiety over his situation, I  walked quietly by his side as we navigated the sidewalks and juggled the weight of groceries from hand to hand.  His frustration stemmed from the endless efforts he was exhausting to ensure that he maintained happiness in his home.  He worked tirelessly each day to ensure that every whim was satisfied.  He showered his spouse with attention and often found that his greatest attempts were overshadowed by a constant need for more material things, his attendance at more family outings, and sharing more responsibilities inside the home.  To him, there weren't enough hours in the day to do all that he was expected to do for his wife, his children, or his home.  Yet, he tried to do his best and, seemingly, it was just wasn't enough.

Finally, after arriving on the street that would lead us each home, he stopped walking, looked blankly toward his home, and asked me, "What more can one man do?"  Seeing my friend drowning in his own thoughts, I ushered him toward a bench, placed my bag down and said, "Listen more than you talk.  React just as much as you take action.  And, most importantly, stop trying to add hours to your day instead of making the most of the hours you're given with your family..."

You see, I learned a long time ago that we often create the obstacles in our lives.  So, logically; we can save ourselves from hardships by dealing with them differently.   If someone is constantly demanding more of you, stop long enough to hear what theyre asking and why.  If you're constantly working to prove yourself as the ultimate provider, then you may be the reason that they see you as a bank with never ending resources.  Set limits on spending, work hours, and time spent away from family..

Rather than driving your children to and from school, take the time once a week to walk them to or from school or through s park.  Talk with them about their school, friends, fears and triumphs.  Listen for true emotional content and discover who they're becoming without always imposing your own expectations on them.  Fathering a child is the easy part.  However; it takes a lot more than rules and a seat in your luxury car before they will affectionately refer to you as their dad.

And, just as importantly, learn to take time for yourself.  Running at full steam every day will, one day, become too exhaustive for your body.  Learn to rest, exercise, and refuel yourself often with by e romancing your spouse and remembering all the reasons that you've created this union.  By investing more time in your family, you'll find greater rewards and true richness in your life.

As my friend sat there nodding in agreement, we said our goodbyes and picked up my groceries.  As I made my way down the street I realized that I, too, should take a moment to listen to my own advice and make sure that I  build more value to each day.   I decided not to cook my "dinner for one" once I got home.  I'll visit my mom and sister tomorrow with "dinner for three" and make more than a meal...  We'll make some memories instead.

May You Suffer Just The Same...

May You Suffer Just The Same

written July 19, 2020

My heart has just been crumbled into a chalky, dark red sand.

I just can't go on loving you, I am no longer the same man.

Strangely, I don't feel your venom as it courses through my veins

But, even as my heart grows numb; each beat forces out new pains.

I never meant to become the villain in your day-to-day nightmare,

I've only wanted to cherish you and show you how much I care.

But, your secret rendezvous, midnight texts, and x-rated video dates

Have made me became your nemesis and you've already sealed my fate.

Now, other men have your attention, your friendship, and your devotion,

And I've lost my place in your frozen heart as it fills with my demotion.

You say that I'm the problem as your affairs publicly evolve -

And you wonder when I'll finally notice that we're no longer involved.

You've weakened every vessel within my broken heart,

And still, I cling helplessly to you as my whole life falls apart.

You've ciphered every single resource as if money grows on trees

As you disregard my feelings; as I no longer serve your needs.

To you, I'm no more than a nameless face in an ever-growing crowd;

Just another one of your super fans; a digital patron in the clouds.

I was, once, your handsome knight who saved you from despair

But your words of anger soon revealed that you never even cared.

You once felt safe In my arms: now, you hate that I'm still breathing. 

And instead of  mending our relationship, you schedule secret meetings.

I've sacrificed and lost everything, and still, you require more and more

And, like a fool, I work day and night while other men come knocking at my door.

You've drained of all my energy; I'm just a sheep being led to slaughter 

While you date others openly and laugh - but, not always in that order.

You've watched my barren soul descend deeper into your hell.

My best friend, your ex's brother, your mom's new beau - they've all been conjured by your spell.

Memories of our times together have been replaced - one after the other;

And I've stopped existing as I once was as I bitterly become some other.

Yes, it seems that I've  been fooled by love and I gave my heart too freely;

Thinking you'd reciprocate and not be so damned deceiving.

You see, a tiger never changes stripes, nor does a cheetah get new spots.

And I'm not the first, nor am I the last in your chain of broken hearts.

I choose not to warn your next victims - I have my selfish reasons; 

Maybe kharma will visit you and let vengance have open season.

To keep others guessing your true identity, you slander my good name;

Leaving proof of your affairs to be found by me while telling others I've gone insane.

Confusion caused by our back and forth have made our friends all turn away;

But that just means fewer prying eyes as you go about your day.

New suitors have ignored the signs that would deter a wiser man

As you continue using sex as your weapon of choice - over and over again.

So, willingly, I finally free myself from the torture of this game;

Knowing one day soon, you'll  meet your match and suffer just the same.

May You Suffer Just The Same. 

The Freedom of A Willow Tree

As a child, I once wrote a poem that, unintentionally, angered my mother; a poem about my own demise.  She thought that, at the age of 9, I was far too young to even consider my own end.  But, even still, I can recall the words of this poem to this day along with  the whimsical imagination of a child.

Ssurely, everyone must die - but I wanted a celebration of a life worthy of remembrance.   Seemingly,  my thoughts about how to handle my remains have gone unchanged for over thirty years....

My Willow Tree

by Sean C. Robinson

Summer 1979

When I die, I’d like to be

Placed beneath a willow tree;

A strong, but silent, willow tree

That weeps for none but me.

So, place my ashes in an urn

And bury me after I am burned.

Allow me to be born again

In branches and leaves that dance in the wind.

Yes, when I die, I’d like to be

Born again as a willow tree.

So, when you visit,
don’t cry for thee

Because my willow
will always weep for me.

And I’ll grow strong and offer shade

And live with family throughout my days

As a strong and silent willow tree

That watches over years of family.

So after I have left this earthly frame

Bury me so I might live again

As a  strong, but silent, willow tree

That weeps for none but me.

More recently, I  met with a group of friends and discussed the fact that, culturally, we often forget that death is a part of the cycle of life. 

  

We fail to plan ahead and; therefore, leave our families with undue expenses at a time when stress and poor decision making skills are at a all-time high.  As a favor to ourselves and our families, we all decided to take a moment and do three things that would help ease the pain of our transitions:

• Create, notarize, and file our final will, 
• Open a savings account at a black owned bank and deposit funds for our funerals, and 
• If we are organ donors, we would designate how our organs are to be used to help other family members in need rather than just left for general distribution by the funeral homes / hospitals.

By doing these things in advance, many of the hard decisions that plague our surviving family members are removed.  Families often bicker over last minute details and a funeral is the wrong place to birth new hostilities.  So, by thinking of others even as you think of yourself, you may quail the tensions  of family division long before they become an issue.

I want a peaceful home going celebration.  I know what songs I would like to be played, how I would like to be remembered, and what I’d like to see done with the monies left behind from various insurance policies.  By creating scholarships, trust funds, and allocating property, it is safe to say we can all create a legacy that will begin to build generations of wealth long after we have left this realm.

But, alas, this is just ONE Man’s Opinion…. What about you?   

How Do You Sleep At Night?

The Truth About Your Lying

Sean C. Robinson

I don’t know which is worse; the fact that you lie

Or the fact that you think I believe you.

And since I know the truth, I wonder

By allowing you to lie, am I the one who is being untrue?

If I were to tell you that "I only ask questions

To which I already know what the answer should be

Just so I can study your face and identify the look

Of a lie when it is told to me."

 

Would you, then, continue to lie so freely

Telling drawn-out tales as you please?

Or, would you deny me the entertainment of seeing

The quiver of your lip as you lie daily with such ease?

  

Would I begin to miss the wrinkle in your brow

When you repeat every question before fibbing?

Or, would I somehow demean this false relationship

That we both pretend we are living?

 

 I bid you to know I'll soon tire of this game

As each lie slowly rips our love apart.

And, when I am bored with your sideshow antics

I’ll move on, taking with me, my broken heart.

 

So, keep lying and cheating and doing “your thing”

As if no one else should be as wise

Knowing that you will soon be left all alone -

Ruined by your own compromise.

I etched these words years ago and shared them with a friend.  At that time, I was a "shoulder to lean on" as we both navigated our way back to reclaiming our self-worth after having endured the pains of our failed relationships.  Repeatedly, I offered the reassurance of a better tomorrow as we both grew tired of the cliche, yet found comfort in it's possibly at the same time.  When she spoke, I listened intently and passed no judgement as we took turns walking down memory lane and, with each step, we each wondered what could we each have done so wrong as to have ended up heartbroken and dismayed.

Just as promised, time has seemingly healed the abrasions of our hearts and better days have come for both, my friend and I.  She now finds herself in a wholesome, fruitful relationship.  The woes of yesteryear are a thing of the past, but the lessons learned have proven to be beneficial in her growth.  In essence, they've helped her to identify and separate her wants from her needs.  Using the heartbreak of her past, my friend has been able to circumvent the repeated pain of lustful intent and hone in on genuine affections, real connections, and - ultimately - an everlasting love.

I was reminded of this when someone from my recent past happened across my path.  Although I felt no angst about our decision to go our separate ways, I was left without a response to hearing the words, "I miss you" as they were uttered into the air.  I that instant,  my flesh chilled and my mind recycled countless moments of betrayal, lies, arguments, and despair.  Words that I learned to hear at one point in my life were now daggers that attacked my psyche and left me speechless. Quite literally, I was paralyzed.  My tongue refused to move as I thought of all the questions I'd decided to leave unanswered years ago.  My gaze became distant as I was bombarded with imagery of moments of my own confusion as I struggled to make peace with circumstances that left me disgraced and belittled.  But then, just as I came out of my stupor, I could only smile and say, "I hope you smile when you think of me"...

My response - rather than a retort - set me free.  You see, I've learned that there is no reason for me to ever invite the past into my present.  I am no longer a captive of the questions surrounding the memories of this timeframe of chaos.  I have forgiven myself for not loving myself enough to have walked away sooner.  And now,  I tend not to miss anything after having made peace with it in one way or another.  Even the most baffling of moments can be compartmentalized into learnings and, with that, dismissed as necessary milestones in life.  

After successfully dealing with the emotional break of this particular relationship, I promised myself not to relive any of it's energy in any form.  I'd walk away with the lessons taught and yearn for nothing resembling this occurrence to ever find space in my life again.  If I allowed myself to "miss" any part of it, I might, unwittingly, allow myself to re-invite the same despair to occupy my life again.

It wasn't my intent to appear stoic, but because I had stopped giving thought to the relationship and focused more on the lessons I'd learned about boundaries, self-love, respect, and perspectives.  With that, time had removed me from thinking of any moments of this failed attempt at happiness:; good or bad.  I had, quite literally, forgotten much about this timeframe and buried any good right along with all the bad.  By not allowing myself to recall anything, I had also suppressed the notion of "missing" any portion of that experience because, to me, it was all built on lies so nothing about it was real. 

There are those who would say that I was being insensitive in that moment.  And, for them, I would have no response. Even defending my stance would mean reliving moments I have intentionally chosen to forget.  However; there are also those who would realize that I was moreso desensitized by the trauma and had learned to cope by only taking what I needed from a given situation. Rather than allow myself to wallow in dismay, I've found a way to curtail how long it takes to evolve and develop my defenses against being stifled with questions that need Not be entertained any longer.  Quite simply, " veni, vidi, vici" and no more.

Does this lessen my sincerity?  No.  I think not.  Because my feelings were truly genuine while I found myself intertwined with each past love.  However, I have moved beyond those relationships and I do not yearn for any portion of any of them today.  I do not miss who I once was and I gratefully attribute who I am to the lessons taught during each lost love. But, a greater part of me acknowledges the fact that I cannot a moment of my own past because I am no longer the same person and would not feel the same now because of the lessons learned and the way I now see that same person.  

Sometimes, song writers do a much better job of saying just what I was thinking the entire time I was in that particular situation-ship.

Yes, we probably had some great times worth remembering, but I don't miss them simply because the new me (created by you) would no longer enjoy the same moments because I now know the truth about the lies that I'd been told.  My perspective has changed as to who you are now and where you fit in my life.  I have no desire to recall moments or "miss them" because those instances were filled with deceit.  They were all an illusion.  Nothing was real and the smokescreen of happiness that covered the lies was also a lie and neither will ever exist again.

I have closed the door to rehashing memories from this past event.  I know that those moments (for me) were honest and true.  I  know I was sincere and offered my love wholly.  I don't devalue anything I have experienced, but I refuse to retread the passageways that bear no fruit.  To do so would only mar the genuine love that once was with a mockery of lustful intent trying to recapture a moment that has already been extinguished.  What was is over and now it is what it is.   If we had some prior agreement, a mutual understanding, or even an amiable ambition, then I could allow myself to be remiss or anticipate our reunion, but (in this instance) we had placed a period at the end of our entanglement and I was being kind by extending cordial greetings.  To consider "missing" what turned out to be an undesirable coupling would be a disservice to myself and the lessons taught by this same experience.  To quote George Bush, "Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice?  Well, you just can't do that again!"

But, alas, these are just the rantings of ONE Man's Opinion.  Maybe there is roo for error, but it still unlikely that I will be moved from my stance.  Yet, still, I wonder, "What are your thoughts?"

Before The Dust Has Settled...

I saw this car at the VA Hospital parking garage. First, I shook my head...   But, then, I thought, "The person that drove that car to the hospital did not get the outcome they expected." Realizing that I, too, was aline on my journey, I quickly said a short prayer for the sick and shut in that I am aware of....  

You see, no one plans on sickness, homelessness, or has a calendar marked for their final day on Earth.  No one is promised tomorrow.  We all need somebody.  So, before the dust settles on your opportunity to share a smile with a friend in need, be a blessing to someone by just checking on them today and letting them know that they are not alone.

One Moment Lived A Thousand Times

Some memories come back as clearly as remembering what I just ate for breakfast this morning.  Others come through a series of dreams and conversations.  But, who would have thought that after being away from my VA home for over 35 years, I'd be sitting in my house in GA having a conversation with a coworker?  A coworker who just happens to have grown up in the same VA neighborhood that I did when I was a child.  

Admittedly, I had forgotten many of the names that went with the parade of faces that darted through my mind.  I had forgotten about the streets that I intentionally avoided in our neighborhood.  My mind recalled the churches that I'd only seen as landmarks and, because we weren't members there, I had never attended.  And, my heart still fluttered as I recalled the small stores I'd walked through in haste because - as young, black men - our money was more welcomed there than our prolonged presence.  But, here I am.  Having a flashback about my teenage years in a small Tidewater town and finally realizing the true impact that the people, places and faces of the past have had on me and their permanent impressions on my thoughts and reactions that shaped me into the man I am today.

Although it was not as evident as a child, the adventures and mis-adventures of our formidable years are inescapable.  Our fleeting moments of self discovery have lifelong residuals that we can never escape.  Decades later, when we revisit what we thought to be "childhood" decisions, we realize that the psychological footprints left by these whimsical moments are still relevant.  We recognize just how pivotal these moments were.  And, as these moments somehow echo throughout our lives, we are forced to use a moment from our youth as the framework for our lives and every decision made thereafter.

Take a moment and think.  You see, everyone has their own defining moment in life.  We each can vividly recall that one decision in life that defines who we are to this day.  We each can remember everything about that very instant where you know that if you had gone left instead of right, your entire life would have been completely different.  We may even refer to it jokingly as that bittersweet "woulda, coulda, shoulda" moment that you'll always cherish or regret in one way, but remember for a lifetime.

Some of us will never admit to such a moment.  For some, it brings shame and dishonor.  They remember that moment in silence and grudgingly bury it's pain deep within.  But, even doing that, they are forced to carry that shame with them.  It lurks behind every decision and weighs heavily in the mind.  Because they have chosen not to speak of it, that moment is trapped in a childish prison of perceptions.  It is not allowed to ever escape the understanding of a child.  And, as it feeds on the thought patterns of it's host, it can become paralyzing and hinder you from ever growing to your true potential in not just one area of life - but in life itself.

Others may have a moment if glory that they recall with great fanfare.  That heroism or moment of valor can be that moment that has propelled them into greatness or, inadvertently, it could also be the plateau of their greatness in life.  It could be the moment they shined greater than ever before and, because of that, their life has been filled with accolades and rewards.  Or, that same moment could greatly overshadow their measures of success in their current lives and now, serve as a measure they will never achieve again.

From the outside looking in, we look at that person and see what once was.  We may revel in their past and still see a hero, but they may look at those same moments and see the challenges this moment in time now presents.  They may spend their careers trying to achieve the same level of succesperson we are todays again and again until it becomes an exhausting, unobtainable goal.  And, if ever given an opportunity to rechart their paths, they wonder if they would do it quite the same.

In hindsight, even the greatest of moments can be riddled with indecision or met with scrutiny.  And, those private thoughts that invite other possibilities to come to mind, can sometimes leave us all wondering about those "would have, should have, could have" moments that we can never get back.  

Think about it.  Be honest with yourself.  We all have that "one moment" in our past that now serves as the dividing rod that has shaped us into the person we are today.  If I could go back in time, I wonder if I would have been the proud father of twins, married the love of my life, lived abroad, or simply been bold enough to live out loud with a gambit of possibilities that now elude me.  No one knows - but I will always wonder.

 

Whatever the case, the one question that echoes in my mind is the same one that I will pose to you:

"If you could change one decision in your life and do things differently, would you?"

As for me and mine, I have learned to live with the life I have molded.  I am thankful for every trial and every triumph.  I may have been a slow learner, a stubborn partner, and - quite often - too eager to chart my own path, but every decision has tempered me into the man of steel that I am today.  I have lived with regret only to learn forgiveness.  I have fallen down enough times just so I would know how to get up again  And. I have given more than I have taken; yet, I am continually restored and willing to give more while expecting nothing in return  I appreciate every scar; without them I would be eternally flawed.

But, again, this is simply ONE Man's Opinion.  What is yours?












....

Breaking The Chains Of A Failed Relationship

It's May 5th!  And, on this date, I free myself from the chains of deception that have held me bound to my not-too-distant past. Recently, I had to deal with the pain of ending a loving relationship that I thought would last forever.

This pilgrimage of pain proved to me that breaking up can become an emotional rollercoaster filled with jaw-dropping revelations.  Bringing things to an agreeable end can be difficult because it causes us to review our own actions, accept fault, and acknowledge mistakes.  While reflecting on ourselves, it is easy to assume that your former love is able to move on without any pain.  But, realistically, we cannot make any assumptions because we are unaware of how long or how deeply this emotional divorce may impact either of you. 

We only think that way because (for months long before the actual breakup) we've already lost the connectivity we once felt for that relationship.  The things you once loved may now incite anger.  The coaxing of friends may mislead.  So, logically, it makes sense that we neither see nor acknowledge the pain that our former love is dealing with as we become engulfed in our own speration anxieties and feelings of loss and remorse.

In order to move on successfully, we each have to begin to acknowledge the good, the bad, the gains, the losses, and - most importantly - the lesson learned from our experience.  Learning helps to ensure that we do not recycle the same relationship the next time we find romance.  When moving forward, we mustn't be afraid to speak freely and honestly about our past relationships, why they ended, and our ownership in it's demise.  

As for the lost love in your last relationship; we must acknowledge that the person you fell in love with may not exist any longer or - even worse - may not have existed at all.  Love can be blinding.  We tend to overlook behaviors we normally would not accept, learn to live with lies, or even accept blatant disrespect with the hope that love will conquer all one day.  But, we may fail to realize that some people like being broken and enjoy, even moreso, breaking others.  We must also realize that people are changed by circumstance and often compromised by conflict.  And, the things that we once hoped love would fix are now the very same roadblocks that rip away the core of a relationship.  

Admittedly, the union of two may have been perfect for each other only for a reason, season, or wrinkle in time.  That relationship may have been no more than a building block meant to shape your character into the person you've become today.  In hindsight, your failed relationship may actually cause you to gain from the experiences you two once shared.  Instead of being "broken", realize that you have an opportunity to rebuild a better you.

The Universe may have simply given you a helpmate to either get you through or take you through an experience that has made you stronger as it ends.  No other person could have shared those moments with you and give you the same character building traits or hard lessons learned that you now possess.  It is now up to you to relish in your gains.  As painful as it may seem, find peace by learning to forgive them for their faults, thank them for their strengths, and finally - dismiss them from their roles in your life. 

Go ahead and cry, scream, and do what you have to do to relieve your  pain.  But, only for a short while.  Know that this is healthy.  But, don't sulk too long.  Elevate yourself from feelings of hurt, anger, and remorse by reaffirming your new identity with the world around you.  You've become better because of their impact on your decision making processes.  You realize that your way is not the only way and you now consider other probabilities.  You've reshaped your primitive viewpoints into more educated alternatives.   You're wiser.  You're stronger.  You've lived.  You've survived.  And, now that you've begun the process of forgiving them and tearfully dismissed their role in your life, you must forgive yourself as well and begin to move on.

You have to reclaim your time.  Focus on a better you.  Pick up your shattered ego and venture back into dating.  Learn to remove the fear of having those up-front discussions about how we deal with conflict, disrespect, and the ownership of our personal flaws.  As you become more social as a single entity, ask yourself if you are attracting the right energy or simply replacing a failure with another version of your past.

When dating, lightheartedly pose questions to determine as to how your next partner would handle similar failed situations should they ever arise.  By listening to their responses, you may discover some hidden faults of your own and continue to grow into a more thoughtful, less self-absorbed person.   You must decide to become better, not bitter.

We have to open our minds to the idea that there really are no right or wrong answers.  Instead, we must learn to see if your next mate chooses responses that align with your thought process or even consider you as a part of the solution (rather than the pinnacle of a problem).  Compatibility is much more important than sexual attraction.  You have to partner yourself with someone who wants to move in the same direction as your dreams.  It is impossible to build an empire of brick and mortar with someone who would rather just play in the dirt.  Neither of you is wrong - you're just wrong for each other.

You see, three years ago today, I began a journey that stripped me completely of the person I once was. After I took the time to wallow in my sorrows, I had to be realistic and allow myself to face some really ugly truths.  Now, I've decided that the spiral of demise that began on May 5, 2018 has  finally ended.  I've flushed out my own feelings and finally arrived at a place where I can forgive myself. One day, I just stopped asking why this and why that and simply looked at the man in the mirror and said, "Yesterday is gone.  My lessons have been learned.  And, now, it is time to live again.  I'm better, wiser, and even more aware of myself".  It was only then that the face in the mirror started looking more like someone I once knew.

With this newly adopted mindset, tomorrow promises to be a much brighter day. But tonight, I'm able to marvel in a newfound freedom.  Sipping my favorite wine and having a stimulating conversation about a new business opportunity with a new friend, I'm excited about the wonders that have yet to unfold.  I finally believe in me again.

I've forgiven myself - but, I will never forget.

But, then again, this is just ONE Man's Opinion.   What do you think?

Better Or Bitter: Have You Learned Anything ?

Just a few years ago, Erykah Badu had a chart topping series of songs that trumpeted an anthem of strength and rebirth to a new generation of women.  With the torch song of the era, Badu gave women the strength to walk away from emotionally crippling relationships as she belted out lyrics aimed at all the Tyrone-like characters within the sound of her voice.  She followed that up with a song meant to heal the bruised psyche of her female (and attentive male) fans as she gave millions the ability to see a reflection of themselves and others within their circle accurately personified in the lyrics of  our self-proclaimed Bag Lady of R&B.

So, even after a musical revolution that garnered millions in record sales, I look around at the single women and broken relationships that still fail to heed her call to revelation and rebirth and, sadly, I shake my head in wonderment.  Why are so many people strong enough to dismiss a mate from their lives so wilfully; yet, these same strong minded egocentrics never divorce themselves from the  their own negative circumstances and toxic behaviors that are often the true cause of their woes?

If you are strong enough to identify your mate's shortcomings  and dismantle your flailing relationship, then you should also find the strength needed to evaluate yourself and heal the gaping cavity that remains in your life after its demise.   Hindsight, I'm told, gives the mind of a person seeking resolve an ability to recreate the disagreeable moments of their failed relationships and view them from all perspectives.   If they actively listened to their lovers, then they are able to reasonably represent their arguments as well as their inflammations of anger which may have distracted them from being able to come to resolution previously.   In doing so, a more considerate person might seize this opportunity to learn and grow from any revelation brought about during their mental excursion.   They might discover the value of their mate's viewpoints and realize that they could have each yielded at some point in order to compromise their beliefs and arrive at new conclusions that would have allowed their relationship to grow and blossom in mew directions.

In direct contrast, the more selfish egocentric might completely miss the lessons taught by these moments of reflection.   By holding on to the belief that their imperialistic views are free from correction,  one might not ever come to the realization that their own ways could  possibly be altered or compromised in an effort to salvage a relationship that could have been more beneficial to their lives and eye opening to their minds.  These same people never seem to grow from their experiences and often repeat the same destructive behaviors as they move from one entanglement to another.   

You see, hindsight can offer you an opportunity to make self-corrections if you're willing to realize that you are humble enough to allow different viewpoints to add value to your thought process.   But, just like wielding a double-headed sword, it can also allow an immature user to simply reopen wounds and learn nothing; often leaving their thoughts with bitterness, ill will, and no resolve.

Now, think about it:  Are you better or bitter as a result of the  the past relationships in your life?  

If you are truly  better, then I applaud you.  You have learned that there is room in a relationship for differing views and perspectives.   You have opened yourself up to the probability of reshaping your thoughts and,  in time, finding the mate with whom you can be challenged and corrected - but also  rewarded and blessed with happiness. 

If you are bitter, then I can only suggest that you find the strength listen to the words of Ms. Badu and realize that you are the one who might need to put down the "baggage " of past experiences that may be hindering your chances of ever finding a mate.  If your mind has become imprisoned by a limited  or rigid perspective,  then you may actually be the reason for your solitude.   Not allowing others to offer you enlightenment or correction is a sign of stubbornness and selfishness.   These undesirable traits may be holding you back from finding something beautiful in your life that could - potentially - complete you.

Truthfully, it may not be as simple as it sounds.  However; I have always been a strong believer in the fact that we all have the lives we want to lead.  If not, then we also have the ability to change it - by simply choosing to make different decisions concerning the adversities in our lives...

But, alas this is just ONE Man's Opinion...   Help me expand the horizons of my mind and join me in this conversation.   Tell me: What is your opinion?

He Who Throws The First Stone

I recently shared an exchange with a friend over the context and residual effects of today's media, music and entertainment. We both stated arguments supporting our opinions and a few pivotal examples proved to lead us into a spiraling discussion.  Although some parts of our debate became a little were heated, we chose an amicable end with each of us agreeing to disagree; yet, walk away with a respectful understanding of one another's views.

Now, I invite you to join the conversation and consider the probability of there being more to the direction of the subliminal messaging of the different resources feeding our minds. Personally, it is my belief that society is controlled by the use of repeated messaging that excite the senses.  

If He Was Great Before...

One of the most popular songs of the summer of 2019 had us all bouncing and bobbing our heads to a catchy beat, an unlikely songstress, and an underlying message of discord in relationships.  Starting off with the grammatically challenged line, "Why men great 'til they gotta be great?", this song immediately challenges the stability of relationships and the standards used to create value in our more intimate relationships.

I contended that even the video suggests that the definition of manhood was up to the determination of the female in the relationship. In it, she has the power to deflate or inflate the ego of her mate and, ultimately, determine his self worth; defaming him at will. 

When a person finds himself/ herself in love, they are completely exposed to their mate.  Their opinions and standards mesh, in most cases, and they look to each other for reassurance,  comfort, and understanding.   As they learn to complement each other's strengths and weaknesses,  they create an unrivaled synergy that defines their relationship and makes their union uniquely their own.

In direct contrast,  their "knowing" each other so intimately can also place a wedge between them during arguments and emotional rifts.  Depending on how vindictive one (or both) might be to the other, a war of words may be enough to sever the ties that bind them together.   

Through The Looking Glass

Name calling (punk, bitch, coward, whore) may seem like a quick way to inflict pain, but the scars that are caused by hearing your soulmate's low opinion of you may never heal as they echo in your minds long after the arguments are settled.   By asking, "why men great...", Lizzo hints at the fact that she once thought that her mate was great; probably drawn to him by the same characteristics that she now highlights as a negative.  But, when presented with an opportunity to be her knight in shining armor, these same components of his character may have left her feeling as if he'd handled a situation differently than she would have expected.  And although he reacted according to his own moral character, her reactionary outburst reveals that her ideal mate would have done more to "save her" with fanfare, romance, or valor.

Now, by verbalizing her thoughts through song, the pain is felt on both sides of the relationship.  Her expectations are lowered and his level if confidence is lessened as others dance along to her beat and chant along with her.  Time is now her adversary  as his thoughts and isolation may spin out of control. Unless they have a fruitful conversation immediately,  they may both spiral into a thought pattern that will breed division, ridicule, and spite.  Eventually. they may be so blinded by the "monsters they create in their heads" that they fail to see the genuine love that initially pulled them together. 

Should you ever find flaws in your mate, just remember that the mirror has two sides.  That person may have already identified a laundry list of flaws of their own, but decided to love you entirely.   That being: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the parts we secretly keep in the dark.   By exposing one's weaknesses publicly,  we sometimes expose our own ugliness and no longer appear as the ideal partner.  

Don't Risk Real Love For Fantasy

Still, mending the relationship is not  completely impossible.   If Yong and Yang can agree to have a conversation where they each have an opportunity to speak freely about how these harmful words weigh heavily on their hearts, they may be able to heal over time.  When in love, remember to choose your words wisely.  Once the fighting is over, you have to be able to navigate around the new landscape of honesty that you've created with the stones you've thrown.   If you can't offer reassurance and overcome the obstacles you've created, then you may not be able to ever resolve the eyesores, cuts, and scrapes of the past.  Because of this, there may be no future....  

And, who is to say that someone else will ever come along and accept you and your flaws entirely ever again?

But, alas, this is just ONE Man's Opinion and I'm well aware that there may be others.  So, please feel free to add a comment and join the conversation.   I look forward to reading your thoughts...  

Welcome To The Real Me

Life continues to amaze me....

Some friends and I were out eating at a local BOB and enjoying a hearty, round table discussion.  Suddenly, an associate who had joined us blurted out - loudly and a little annoyed - "I see you, man.  You're the centerpiece of this whole ensemble!  I'm just going to call you King Arthur all night.".    Laughingly, he just sat back and enjoyed the conversations for the rest of the evening. Occasionally,  he would point out proof of his discovery each time I'd make remarks or offer my own advice to my friends around this round table.

It seems that our guest had unwittingly become aware that I was a different person to each one of my friends seated ergonomically around the table.  Watching my multifaceted personality revolve through so many ongoing conversations without losing my place, he realized that the members of my entourage all looked to me for different reasons; be it strength, reinforcement, or weakness.  I, on the other hand, acted as guide and advisor; living vicariously through their experiences.

Like an unwilling culinary student peeling back the layers of a sweet Vidalia,  he watched my chameleon-like persona as I unraveled one friends quandaries to reveal their common denominator and simultaneously pieced together another's  missteps to uncover his needs.  Because I've always been a logical student of life, these talents came easily because I've always been able to remove emotional content from my decision making processes.  This "talent" has always been both, my blessing and my curse - but it was, still, a talent that seemingly blessed others while stifling my own personal experiences.

You see, my ability to favor the rationalie over the emotional has allowed me to wean vicariously through the experiences of others; never really having to live through a given situation to wholly embrace it.  Because of this, I am able to clearly resolve issues as our symbiotic relationships flourish due to my shielding  somewhat parental, advisory role allows me to spew opinion through a straightforward delivery.

My peaceful resolve with my ENTJ personality has come after years of self evaluation, annual reviews, hard choice separations and wisely picked associations.   Treating my personal branding as an entrepreneurial exploit, I've created an outward "representative" who successfully interacts with the world. In direct contrast,  my true character finds itself intertwined betwixt the real and superficial worlds we each live in daily.   My studies of religion,  biorythms, astrology, and reasoning have created a protective buffer that enables me to remain unscathed on my emotionless journey through this dimension.  Yet, it leaves a yearning in my core that wonders about the detachment of my social interactions and raises questions as to whether or not I am truly living to my fullest extent or simply experiencing life as an orbital with no real connection to those around me. 

It has taken me decades to champion this ongoing volley of ideologies,  but I've made peace with the man that  I am.  Remaining reserved, but direct and blunt,, but considerate, I have embraced the beauty of my simple, complexed persona.  I easily identify the attributes of my circle and strategically empower the strengths and weaknesses of my surroundings.   I avoid confrontation and circumvent distractions while looking at both, the beginning and the end of life's labyrinth. 

To gain access to the real "me" is a great thing, if I must say so myself.   I am a loyal friend, an attentive lover, and I find pleasure and excitement in successful outcomes.   Only a handful of people can say they've truly experienced all of me, but all who have had the pleasure of calling me an acquaintance are pleased with the charm and consistent character they've entertained. I guess what I am trying to say is this: "I like me and, given the chance,  you will,  too".

So peal back the layers.   Embrace the intricacies of my focused wandering.  Laugh at my naivety and challenge my well grounded opinions.   In the end,  we'll both be better,  well rounded individuals.   

Now, I  emplore you to subject yourself to consider the same self-scrutiny on a regular basis.  Once you've honestly embraced all of your own idiosyncrasies and weirdly right-for-you nuances,  can you say the same about yourself?  Do you like you?  And,  if I were to actually meet the real you, would I like them too?

But alas, these are only the ponderings of ONE Man's Opinion.   What say ye?

American Justice: In Black And White

Racial disparities in America are not an issue; however, the laws that govern our people are...

A Wikipedia search substantiates the fact that racial rioting is not new to America.  Since the early 1800s, this country has gone through over more than 120 racially motivated riots that disproportionally left thousands of minorities dead although they, themselves, were rarely the catalyst for the violence that ensued.  Tear gas, live ammunition, fires and smoke bombs seem to be "standard procedure" in instances where race is the dividing line in any given issue.

So-called Native Americans have been reduced to living on reservations.  Hispanics remain uneducated and under-employed in vast numbers.  And, history has all but forgotten that Tulsa, OK, was the first city in America to be bombed from the air -destroying an entire city of African Americans simply because they were more successful than their surrounding non-black neighbors who were jealous of their economic success.

At some point, we have to review the commonalities of these racial riots and begin to seek a real resolve.  Short-term laws and public apologies are simply "band aids" that pacify problems.  However; we never deal successfully with the problems at hand.  If America is to attempt to "fix" the issues of policing in minority communities, we must, first, change the stereotypical perception of our American minorities.

We must offer solutions for the underlying issues of poverty, mis-education, and unemployment that systematically plague communities of color and the poor.  It is necessary to deal with these issues of head first.  Policing in under-served neighborhoods (be they black, white, or brown) is the same across the board.  But, acknowledging that we have an issue with race seems to spark debate solely because few are willing to endure the initial rush of emotions that result from beginning a conversation.

Both, classism and racism combine to produce a perfect storm of mixed emotions that erupt into civil unrest.   More than any other country in the world, the "land of the free" has continually promoted racial oppression, and a segregated justice system.   Oddly enough, the only common denominator in all of these riots is "fear of what could have happened".

And our American history, as it is recorded, almost always describes the victims of oppression as people with prior police records, a menacing demeanor, or those who were "acting suspiciously".   In short, the American justice system is a direct reflection of the old adage, "He who has the gold, makes the rules".  I prefer to say, "He who has a goal, manipulates the rules...".

The 2016 election cycle has begun to chip away at the iceberg of mis-information spread across this country.  By exposing the extremist ideology of the right and left,  America is forced to have conversations about topics we have been afraid to approach for decades.  Now, daily talk shows and news outlets openly deal with educating the poor, policing habits and brutality, and the disproportionate wealth distributions in America.  But, alas, we sometimes get distracted by the more obvious themes of racism, prejudice, and fear.

 If we choose to focus solely on the symptoms of this disease, we will never find a cure.

Yes, we need to address the obvious; but, we also need to look beyond the surface issues and look for solutions that will heal this nation at its core.  To begin to end racism, we must review the issues that only exist in minority communities. Rather than ask about a symptom like "black on black crime" we should challenge the fact that there is no money for after school programs, arts and music in our inner city schools, or no job training for the under-employed.  Yet, there is a new stadium in the same neighborhood and homes are being boarded up daily.  Looking through this lens, we can begin to see why someone might feel hostile and lash out at the nearest victim of their aggression.   I, in no way, condone the behaviors of crime and violence, but we must be mature enough to question why the exist at all.

This nation is sick.  We have ingested our own hatred so many times until we now are numb to its taste. 

We see senseless deaths as a way of life and we justify ignorance as a lack of will.  Surely, there must be a remedy.  We have to begin to talk about our social ills and then, demand that the laws be changed to be inclusive rather than exclusive.  We must put aside the fear of being misled and take the reigns of our own education.  Participation in the political process is just the beginning - but showing up and being counted may just assure that some thins will begin to change...

Instead of sit-ins and marches, create bills that must be reviewed by Congress for approval.  Register to vote by the millions and participate in the political process.  Unify and boycott businesses that do not stand beside you or your community in your fight for justice.  And, finally, use the political system as an asset instead of waging war against it.   Learn the laws that govern and - if you don't like them - write new ones.

But, alas, these are just the rantings of ONE Man's Opinion... What is yours?

The Art Of War: Genocide Begins With The Black Male

Listen and respond....

Hidden Colors - War Against Black Men

Social injustices will continue to freckle our history until we learn that we have to become more than agitators. We cannot request a system of oppression that was built on the basis of cultural genocide to actually reprimand itself. Until we learn to write our own legislation into the governing books of law, then we can only expect to be looked upon as "sheep for the slaughter" who simply don't know the rules to this game.

Personally, I do not support protesting unless there is a measurable goal trying to be achieved.... Public protesting is no more than a visual irritant to an oppressive system. The only effective measures that must be taken would be to march after signing petitions which penalize actions or offer legislative suggestion that could, then, be turned into laws which will govern the future actions of those involved. In saying that, I'm merely suggesting that these same protesters seek legal guidance first. By having a bill created and signed as a petition by thousands, new laws could be written that would immediately strip rights and privileges away from anyone who kills or injures (voluntarily or involuntarily) a person while in the act of attempting to incarcerate them.

If an officer knew that there was a law that governed the aftermath of their pulling the trigger or performing a life threatening maneuver, they would be less likely to use deadly force on citizens. Rather than administrative leave with pay, strip them of their badge, demand six months of retraining and PTSD counseling before being allowed to reapply for an administrative career in police enforcement, and offer absolutely no administrative leave. By suggesting an extreme repercussion for mishandling their authority, policemen would reconsider their actions in even the most heated engagements.

The visual impact of public protests shows that we have power in our collective strengths. Before this happens again... Before we create another hashtag... And, while we can still breathe...   Let's just learn to play their game by adding our own laws written by our own communities into the books of law that so loosely govern this country. We have strength in our numbers, but because we don't study the laws or know the rules of the game, then we will always irritate the system, but (in the end) do nothing to control our fate.

Perception Is Reality

If there is one thing I have learned in this life, it is that a person's perspective of a given situation is - ultimately - their reality. 

My question to you is this:

If your significant other has a higher opinion of you than you have of yourself, should you aspire to their expectations or rework their perspective to align with who you truly are?

I'll just leave this right here....

Remove Toxic People From Your Life

Today's realization: I AM SUPERMAN.

For months, a friend of mine has constantly reminded me that " You are not Superman."; asking me to slow down and pace myself because I can't do everything I had set in my mind to accomplish.  Foolishly, I listened; therefore, becoming a different person to some degree.  Every day, I allowed more and more of these outside opinions of my personality to reshape my thought process, alter my personal habits, and distort my perception of reality.  For months,  I'd listened to condescending advice and misguided opinions that slowly chipped away at the person I was until I was no longer a person I knew.

Our Behaviors Didn't Start Out As Destructive - They Were Protective

A recent discussion with friend proved to be rather eye-opening.  When looking at others within our culture, we are quick to point out "ratchet" behaviors and shy away from them.   Actually, I look at these same cultural irregularities and try to reason with myself as to why these things exist in our neighborhoods.

Have you ever seen a mother belittle her child when he/she is praiseworthy and wonder why?

Think about the fact that the smarter, more agile, stronger children were often taken away from their mothers for hundreds of years during the slave trade. As a natural parenting instinct, slave mothers who wanted to keep their families together would only speak poorly of their children although they wanted to praise them. If they spoke highly of them or if they were seen as smarter, faster, or stronger, the slave masters saw more work, more money, and capital gain from their “stock”. Naturally, we learned to belittle one another as a way of securing family ties; not destroying them. However, this learned behavior now has no place in modern day society but old habits are hard to break.

Have you ever wondered why we speak in slang / broken English? 

Slaves would sing songs that would tell each other where to meet, what time to be there, and what was happening after the master went to the “big house”. Many Negro spirituals are actually songs about running away, secretly meeting, or relying on the strength of others. Much of the colorful language we continue to use is “our own language” and it keeps others around us from knowing what we are saying – just long enough for us to accomplish a new goal. These colorful terms continue to change because (once they become mainstream) we have no use for them.

Black Woman: Choose The Struggle That Will Benefit You Most

A picture speaks volumes.  What do you see?

Please realize that each time the black community does something to create cohesion and unite, the efforts are dismantled by the old "divide and conquer" tactics. 

In the 1960s, the Civil Rights Movement was overshadowed by a Women's Movement that seem to come at a time when national focus was finally being devoted to our cultural struggle.  When the Black Panthers were at their height of effectiveness, it was largely run by women.  Women ran the free lunch and WIC programs.  Women outnumbered the male membership as many of the males were incarcerated or slain.  Sadly, these same women would be enticed to abandon our movement in order to join their voices with yet, another Women's Empowerment Movement.  When the buses were loaded and the Million Man March took place in Washington, almost immediately, a Women's March took place and removed the focus from the plight of African Americans and the accomplishment of the dialogue created that could begin to heal our communities.