Better Or Bitter: Have You Learned Anything ?

Just a few years ago, Erykah Badu had a chart topping series of songs that trumpeted an anthem of strength and rebirth to a new generation of women.  With the torch song of the era, Badu gave women the strength to walk away from emotionally crippling relationships as she belted out lyrics aimed at all the Tyrone-like characters within the sound of her voice.  She followed that up with a song meant to heal the bruised psyche of her female (and attentive male) fans as she gave millions the ability to see a reflection of themselves and others within their circle accurately personified in the lyrics of  our self-proclaimed Bag Lady of R&B.

So, even after a musical revolution that garnered millions in record sales, I look around at the single women and broken relationships that still fail to heed her call to revelation and rebirth and, sadly, I shake my head in wonderment.  Why are so many people strong enough to dismiss a mate from their lives so wilfully; yet, these same strong minded egocentrics never divorce themselves from the  their own negative circumstances and toxic behaviors that are often the true cause of their woes?

If you are strong enough to identify your mate's shortcomings  and dismantle your flailing relationship, then you should also find the strength needed to evaluate yourself and heal the gaping cavity that remains in your life after its demise.   Hindsight, I'm told, gives the mind of a person seeking resolve an ability to recreate the disagreeable moments of their failed relationships and view them from all perspectives.   If they actively listened to their lovers, then they are able to reasonably represent their arguments as well as their inflammations of anger which may have distracted them from being able to come to resolution previously.   In doing so, a more considerate person might seize this opportunity to learn and grow from any revelation brought about during their mental excursion.   They might discover the value of their mate's viewpoints and realize that they could have each yielded at some point in order to compromise their beliefs and arrive at new conclusions that would have allowed their relationship to grow and blossom in mew directions.

In direct contrast, the more selfish egocentric might completely miss the lessons taught by these moments of reflection.   By holding on to the belief that their imperialistic views are free from correction,  one might not ever come to the realization that their own ways could  possibly be altered or compromised in an effort to salvage a relationship that could have been more beneficial to their lives and eye opening to their minds.  These same people never seem to grow from their experiences and often repeat the same destructive behaviors as they move from one entanglement to another.   

You see, hindsight can offer you an opportunity to make self-corrections if you're willing to realize that you are humble enough to allow different viewpoints to add value to your thought process.   But, just like wielding a double-headed sword, it can also allow an immature user to simply reopen wounds and learn nothing; often leaving their thoughts with bitterness, ill will, and no resolve.

Now, think about it:  Are you better or bitter as a result of the  the past relationships in your life?  

If you are truly  better, then I applaud you.  You have learned that there is room in a relationship for differing views and perspectives.   You have opened yourself up to the probability of reshaping your thoughts and,  in time, finding the mate with whom you can be challenged and corrected - but also  rewarded and blessed with happiness. 

If you are bitter, then I can only suggest that you find the strength listen to the words of Ms. Badu and realize that you are the one who might need to put down the "baggage " of past experiences that may be hindering your chances of ever finding a mate.  If your mind has become imprisoned by a limited  or rigid perspective,  then you may actually be the reason for your solitude.   Not allowing others to offer you enlightenment or correction is a sign of stubbornness and selfishness.   These undesirable traits may be holding you back from finding something beautiful in your life that could - potentially - complete you.

Truthfully, it may not be as simple as it sounds.  However; I have always been a strong believer in the fact that we all have the lives we want to lead.  If not, then we also have the ability to change it - by simply choosing to make different decisions concerning the adversities in our lives...

But, alas this is just ONE Man's Opinion...   Help me expand the horizons of my mind and join me in this conversation.   Tell me: What is your opinion?