Act Like A Lady, Think More Like A Wife

I applaud Steve Harvey for his recent success with his best-selling book which has been turned into a movie.  It is a great thing to see so many people energized about reading and I am really looking forward to seeing positive depictions of my own culture on the big screen.  Hopefully, this movie will prove that we can be seen as actors of depth and greater caliber than what currently freckles the cinematic world today.

Even the video for the soundtrack of the upcoming movie has caught my attention.  Jennifer Hudson lends her amazing voice and charismatic personality to a five minute clip that accurately summarizes the message of the movie as she eludes one man and woos another.  I genuinely hope to see greater acting roles come from his movie, more writings from aspiring advice columnists and authors of color, and quite possibly, a return to sultry R&B that drives home messages about love, respect and fidelity.

When I first flipped through the pages of Harvey's latest literary triumph, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man, I reserved my comment because we all have our own opinions about what we would like to see become of our own relationships.  If, indeed, a woman is to find herself dating in a world of  men who have great disregard for them on an emotional scale, then she too must learn to defend herself from predators who mean her no good.  In my unsolicited opinion, Harvey is right in his approach to dating.

But - as there is always a "but" - if a woman is looking for a mate who truly exemplifies the traits of a real man, then she must be willing to put aside the "game playing" and learn to really act like a lady and think more like a wife.  

I say this because a return to old is necessary to correct the ills which exist in society today.  I was reared with the knowledge that two wrongs don't make a right and if  women of today think that men are thinking "wrongly" when it comes to long-term relationships, then why would they join in the misguided conceptualizations as this book title suggests?  Instead, it may be time to think long-term from day one.

I watched my mother, aunts and uncles as I grew up.  There were no hidden agendas or game-playing in their romances.  Their love was built on a foundation of honesty and trust. Because of that foundation, none of my sixteen aunts and uncles ever found themselves in a bitter divorce or fighting over child custody just a few years after exchanging their eternal vows.  No one "bailed out" over childish differences.  No one had secrets that needed to be aired publicly. 

Their relationships have endured the tests of time.  Their children and grandchildren enjoy productive relationships and stable familial networks.  I look at some branches in my family and revel in the beauty of the relationships that have lasted a lifetime.  One of my aunts and uncles just celebrated their 70th anniversary and I am sure that not every day was filled with roses, but their lives are wholly dependent on the love, trust and respect that comes from my aunt's ability to "act like a lady and think like a wife".  In kind, my uncle acts like a man and thinks like a husband.  What I am attempting to clarify is the need to consider the "other half" in your every decision instead of acting as an individual with a separate agenda.

Every relationship is a compromise.  You have to learn where to meet in the middle instead of playing mind games and seeing who has a better looking scorecard at the end of the day.  Learning when and how to discuss differences privately (instead of  arguing loudly over the phone or in public), dressing age-appropriately (instead of wearing tight or revealing clothing), and knowing how to revel in each other (instead of demanding to go out to nightclubs and eateries on a regular basis) are just a few things that make a relationship whole.  I hardly ever saw my aunts and uncles disagree and, if they did, they excused themselves from public displays and went into a separate room to discuss a resolution that was best for the two of them as a unit.  My uncles' manhood was never challenged by the words or actions of their spouses (in public).  They were men and the voice of authority in their families because they were never subject to public ridicule or scrutiny.

Not every disagreement needs to be aired publicly or discussed in the hair salon with a forum of co-signers.  Marriage (and relationship) matters are between the husband and the wife without the help of a hallelujah choir.  Parents (as the bible suggest) are supposed to be forsaken after your vows are taken  and not asked to constantly be the voice of reason.  If a man feels that he has to marry your mother, father, baby daddy, and lil brother when he envisions you at the alter in your "why-the-hell-is she-wearing-white" dress, then he may opt to skip the altar altogether. 

Let your man be a man (without constantly undermining him) and a real relationship can blossom.  This doesn't mean that he is always right, but life has taught me that women who truly want to be in a relationship know how and when to "push the right buttons." They know how to get their point across without arguing or publicly disrespecting their man. There are some finer points that can be discussed in greater depth, but alas, these rantings are just ONE Man's Opinion... 


Please, tell me, what is yours?