He Who Throws The First Stone

I recently shared an exchange with a friend over the context and residual effects of today's media, music and entertainment. We both stated arguments supporting our opinions and a few pivotal examples proved to lead us into a spiraling discussion.  Although some parts of our debate became a little were heated, we chose an amicable end with each of us agreeing to disagree; yet, walk away with a respectful understanding of one another's views.

Now, I invite you to join the conversation and consider the probability of there being more to the direction of the subliminal messaging of the different resources feeding our minds. Personally, it is my belief that society is controlled by the use of repeated messaging that excite the senses.  

If He Was Great Before...

One of the most popular songs of the summer of 2019 had us all bouncing and bobbing our heads to a catchy beat, an unlikely songstress, and an underlying message of discord in relationships.  Starting off with the grammatically challenged line, "Why men great 'til they gotta be great?", this song immediately challenges the stability of relationships and the standards used to create value in our more intimate relationships.

I contended that even the video suggests that the definition of manhood was up to the determination of the female in the relationship. In it, she has the power to deflate or inflate the ego of her mate and, ultimately, determine his self worth; defaming him at will. 

When a person finds himself/ herself in love, they are completely exposed to their mate.  Their opinions and standards mesh, in most cases, and they look to each other for reassurance,  comfort, and understanding.   As they learn to complement each other's strengths and weaknesses,  they create an unrivaled synergy that defines their relationship and makes their union uniquely their own.

In direct contrast,  their "knowing" each other so intimately can also place a wedge between them during arguments and emotional rifts.  Depending on how vindictive one (or both) might be to the other, a war of words may be enough to sever the ties that bind them together.   

Through The Looking Glass

Name calling (punk, bitch, coward, whore) may seem like a quick way to inflict pain, but the scars that are caused by hearing your soulmate's low opinion of you may never heal as they echo in your minds long after the arguments are settled.   By asking, "why men great...", Lizzo hints at the fact that she once thought that her mate was great; probably drawn to him by the same characteristics that she now highlights as a negative.  But, when presented with an opportunity to be her knight in shining armor, these same components of his character may have left her feeling as if he'd handled a situation differently than she would have expected.  And although he reacted according to his own moral character, her reactionary outburst reveals that her ideal mate would have done more to "save her" with fanfare, romance, or valor.

Now, by verbalizing her thoughts through song, the pain is felt on both sides of the relationship.  Her expectations are lowered and his level if confidence is lessened as others dance along to her beat and chant along with her.  Time is now her adversary  as his thoughts and isolation may spin out of control. Unless they have a fruitful conversation immediately,  they may both spiral into a thought pattern that will breed division, ridicule, and spite.  Eventually. they may be so blinded by the "monsters they create in their heads" that they fail to see the genuine love that initially pulled them together. 

Should you ever find flaws in your mate, just remember that the mirror has two sides.  That person may have already identified a laundry list of flaws of their own, but decided to love you entirely.   That being: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the parts we secretly keep in the dark.   By exposing one's weaknesses publicly,  we sometimes expose our own ugliness and no longer appear as the ideal partner.  

Don't Risk Real Love For Fantasy

Still, mending the relationship is not  completely impossible.   If Yong and Yang can agree to have a conversation where they each have an opportunity to speak freely about how these harmful words weigh heavily on their hearts, they may be able to heal over time.  When in love, remember to choose your words wisely.  Once the fighting is over, you have to be able to navigate around the new landscape of honesty that you've created with the stones you've thrown.   If you can't offer reassurance and overcome the obstacles you've created, then you may not be able to ever resolve the eyesores, cuts, and scrapes of the past.  Because of this, there may be no future....  

And, who is to say that someone else will ever come along and accept you and your flaws entirely ever again?

But, alas, this is just ONE Man's Opinion and I'm well aware that there may be others.  So, please feel free to add a comment and join the conversation.   I look forward to reading your thoughts...