Breaking The Chains Of A Failed Relationship

It's May 5th!  And, on this date, I free myself from the chains of deception that have held me bound to my not-too-distant past. Recently, I had to deal with the pain of ending a loving relationship that I thought would last forever.

This pilgrimage of pain proved to me that breaking up can become an emotional rollercoaster filled with jaw-dropping revelations.  Bringing things to an agreeable end can be difficult because it causes us to review our own actions, accept fault, and acknowledge mistakes.  While reflecting on ourselves, it is easy to assume that your former love is able to move on without any pain.  But, realistically, we cannot make any assumptions because we are unaware of how long or how deeply this emotional divorce may impact either of you. 

We only think that way because (for months long before the actual breakup) we've already lost the connectivity we once felt for that relationship.  The things you once loved may now incite anger.  The coaxing of friends may mislead.  So, logically, it makes sense that we neither see nor acknowledge the pain that our former love is dealing with as we become engulfed in our own speration anxieties and feelings of loss and remorse.

In order to move on successfully, we each have to begin to acknowledge the good, the bad, the gains, the losses, and - most importantly - the lesson learned from our experience.  Learning helps to ensure that we do not recycle the same relationship the next time we find romance.  When moving forward, we mustn't be afraid to speak freely and honestly about our past relationships, why they ended, and our ownership in it's demise.  

As for the lost love in your last relationship; we must acknowledge that the person you fell in love with may not exist any longer or - even worse - may not have existed at all.  Love can be blinding.  We tend to overlook behaviors we normally would not accept, learn to live with lies, or even accept blatant disrespect with the hope that love will conquer all one day.  But, we may fail to realize that some people like being broken and enjoy, even moreso, breaking others.  We must also realize that people are changed by circumstance and often compromised by conflict.  And, the things that we once hoped love would fix are now the very same roadblocks that rip away the core of a relationship.  

Admittedly, the union of two may have been perfect for each other only for a reason, season, or wrinkle in time.  That relationship may have been no more than a building block meant to shape your character into the person you've become today.  In hindsight, your failed relationship may actually cause you to gain from the experiences you two once shared.  Instead of being "broken", realize that you have an opportunity to rebuild a better you.

The Universe may have simply given you a helpmate to either get you through or take you through an experience that has made you stronger as it ends.  No other person could have shared those moments with you and give you the same character building traits or hard lessons learned that you now possess.  It is now up to you to relish in your gains.  As painful as it may seem, find peace by learning to forgive them for their faults, thank them for their strengths, and finally - dismiss them from their roles in your life. 

Go ahead and cry, scream, and do what you have to do to relieve your  pain.  But, only for a short while.  Know that this is healthy.  But, don't sulk too long.  Elevate yourself from feelings of hurt, anger, and remorse by reaffirming your new identity with the world around you.  You've become better because of their impact on your decision making processes.  You realize that your way is not the only way and you now consider other probabilities.  You've reshaped your primitive viewpoints into more educated alternatives.   You're wiser.  You're stronger.  You've lived.  You've survived.  And, now that you've begun the process of forgiving them and tearfully dismissed their role in your life, you must forgive yourself as well and begin to move on.

You have to reclaim your time.  Focus on a better you.  Pick up your shattered ego and venture back into dating.  Learn to remove the fear of having those up-front discussions about how we deal with conflict, disrespect, and the ownership of our personal flaws.  As you become more social as a single entity, ask yourself if you are attracting the right energy or simply replacing a failure with another version of your past.

When dating, lightheartedly pose questions to determine as to how your next partner would handle similar failed situations should they ever arise.  By listening to their responses, you may discover some hidden faults of your own and continue to grow into a more thoughtful, less self-absorbed person.   You must decide to become better, not bitter.

We have to open our minds to the idea that there really are no right or wrong answers.  Instead, we must learn to see if your next mate chooses responses that align with your thought process or even consider you as a part of the solution (rather than the pinnacle of a problem).  Compatibility is much more important than sexual attraction.  You have to partner yourself with someone who wants to move in the same direction as your dreams.  It is impossible to build an empire of brick and mortar with someone who would rather just play in the dirt.  Neither of you is wrong - you're just wrong for each other.

You see, three years ago today, I began a journey that stripped me completely of the person I once was. After I took the time to wallow in my sorrows, I had to be realistic and allow myself to face some really ugly truths.  Now, I've decided that the spiral of demise that began on May 5, 2018 has  finally ended.  I've flushed out my own feelings and finally arrived at a place where I can forgive myself. One day, I just stopped asking why this and why that and simply looked at the man in the mirror and said, "Yesterday is gone.  My lessons have been learned.  And, now, it is time to live again.  I'm better, wiser, and even more aware of myself".  It was only then that the face in the mirror started looking more like someone I once knew.

With this newly adopted mindset, tomorrow promises to be a much brighter day. But tonight, I'm able to marvel in a newfound freedom.  Sipping my favorite wine and having a stimulating conversation about a new business opportunity with a new friend, I'm excited about the wonders that have yet to unfold.  I finally believe in me again.

I've forgiven myself - but, I will never forget.

But, then again, this is just ONE Man's Opinion.   What do you think?