You Didn't Know?! We've Always Been Beautiful!

Months ago, People Magazine allowed the glowing radiance of Lupita Nyong'o to grace its cover as one of the most beautiful people in the world.  Pleased to finally see the public acknowledgement of ethnic beauty, I watched silently as the world seemed to echo the rippling effect of public adulation.  Laughingly, I listened as others commented on her beauty as if it were suddenly "refreshing" to see such stunning poise and grace embodied in a woman of color. 



Lupita Nyong'o

But, quite honestly, the stark contrast between Nyongo and that which we are subconciously taught to personify as beauty is probably the most amazing thing about this buzz worthy "attraction".  Nyongo's dark complexion, short hair, and magnetic smile all combine to make cameras fall in love with a new definition of American beauty that - suprisingly - has been here all the while.   

 

Having been raised in a household with four sisters, four brothers, and a mother who never left the house without looking her very best, I have always reveled in the commanding beauty of women of color.  You see, I was surrounded by five reflections of feminine beauty that did not need affirmations from society.  As a counter-balance, I was also fortunate to also have four examples of masculinity that - though not applauded publicly - still defined character, strength, and pride.  Together, each of my family's facial features and varied array of skin tones proved to me that there is not one standard for beauty.  To me, the entire African American diaspora is a living personification of what beauty truly means. 

We Need A New Movement, Not A New Movie...

In a blog post I completed a few months ago, I started off by saying, "I was raised black...".  By saying that, I was pointing out the stark differences in households of color across America versus that of any other American culture.  As a child, I was told about neighborhoods that I couldn't venture into after dark, how I should behave publically, and how to remain completely submissive whenever dealing with the police because my being assertive would only end in conflict rather than in an amiable resolution.  In many cases, my voicing my own opinion could easily lead to my own demise.

 

Although we poke fun at the public perceptions black America through comedy, film, and music, we continue to suffer the systematic issues as a culture.  This is fueled by the fact that race issues are rarely, if ever, dealt with in an open, public forum.  Instead, we huddle together privately and discuss our struggles, air our grievances, and silently lick our wounds.  In the centuries that have passed since we were brought here in chains, my parents, their parents, and even their parents-before-them all hoped for a better day.  

Today, our history is repeat with lynchings, shootings, high incarceration rates, and civil unrest.  It seems as if we, as a people, have been fighting the same battles since the 1800's.  Yet, no real strides toward equality are visible. 

 

Nationwide, academic history books have omitted our existence from its pages and our contributions to this "melting pot" society have been marginalized.  In order to remember our past, we, as African Americans, have had to rely on our forefathers to verbally repeat the stories of degradation and triumph to the next generation.  As we gained access to greater forms of technology, we have learned to chronicle our struggles through the use of cinema. 

Donald Sterling: Black, White, And Green

The only color that matters in professional sports is GREEN…
 

Reports today indicate that soon-to-be-ousted NBA owner, Donald Sterling, is now refusing to pay the $2.5M fine imposed on him for his racist rant. Please do not be distracted by the minutia, people.  This is a ploy for more time so that he will – eventually – lose nothing by stepping down as the team’s owner.  Just two days ago, while on Anderson Cooper 360, Donald Sterling stated that the fine was a fair assessment.  Now, this refusal to pay is obviously an attempt to stall for time and allow all of his assets to be moved into his wife’s name.  This is a classic case of not seeing the forest for the trees.
 

Haven’t you been watching?

 

His wife, Shelly, has suddenly come out and filed for divorce. Because they live in California, she stands to gain 50% of all of his current assets.  Finalizing the divorce before he settles with the NBA means that she will legally own (and protect) 50% of all of his assets – to include the Clippers. This same woman has had knowledge of his open affairs with other women for years.  She has also known of his prejudiced rants.  And, most recently, she has attempted to delay proceedings by stating that he suddenly suffers from dementia.  Until the “leak”, they sat side by side at every game – but now, she suddenly realizes that he might have a problem?!  I guess people will say whatever they deem necessary when their lavish lifestyles are threatened.

 

Now, in a last ditch effort to maintain their multi-million dollar lifestyle, they must hurriedly file for a divorce.   As of May 16, 2014, Forbes reported that Donald Sterling is worth $1.9B.  The imposed fine of $2.5M is comparable to a child asking for lunch money from his parents.  It is not enough to sneeze at - so why would Sterling suddenly be opposed to paying it?  It is not enough to stop the proceedings against him.  However, the NBA will drag its feet and allow him to filibuster long enough to settle this divorce first.

 

Why?  Because they are all friends!

 

The actions of the NBA are calculated.  Haven’t they all known about Sterling’s affairs and rants for years?!  His behavior is nothing new; however, they have to respond publically.  They will make a politically correct gesture because he has called into question many practices of the “elite”.  However, we must all realize that they are NOT going to let “one of their own” suffer.  Can you imagine the backlash if Sterling was to suddenly come forward and openly discuss other conversations he has had with other owners?  Even worse, what if he confirmed that his statements parallel the thoughts and practices of the NBA? 

If You Choose To Start Over, You Have To Crawl Before You Walk

After someone betrays your trust, it may be hard to open your heart to them again.  However; if they are persistent and you choose to re-engage in the relationship, you may find it better to follow these simple steps.

1. Agree to discuss the betrayal openly.

A mutual discussion must take place in order to resolve feelings and move forward.  In order to maintain a sense of "equal footing", agree to meet in a nuetral location that lends itself to open conversation and few external distractions.  Have a designated arrival and departure time so that you remain focused on a resolutiojn, not just airing greivances.  Have a clear goal in mind and, with each word, stay focused on attempting to accomplish that goal.

2. Each party must accept their ownership of "where things went wrong".

In order to have an intelligent exchange, both parties must be willing to accept that they are a part of the problem.  What is the underlying issue?  What can be done to avoid repeat occurances? Can we move forward?  What will it take to regain your trust?  These are all questions that both parties should be willing to answer openly.  Answers should be definitive and boundaries should be drawn.  If someone hurts you once, it may be that they were unaware of your boundaries.  After this discussion, there should be no room for excuses.   Once - might be - a mistake.  Anything more is intentional.

The Merit of Midnight Meetings

Everyone has done it.  Or, at least, we would like to believe everyone has "done it" just so we can feel better about having "done it" ourselves.  But, the reality of the matter is that there is very little merit in midnight meetings that lead nowhere fast. 

Appearing as the main theme in movies like Basic Instinct, Knocked Up, and a montage of others, the merit of midnight meetings has been scrutinized on many levels.  These movies have been dedicated to finding the value in - and then destroying - the basis of a one-night stand.  Thus proving that there is no merit in "hooking up" just for fun.

 

Even when two people say that they are fully aware of a "no strings attached" encounter, one person always feels emotionally abandoned immediately thereafter.  Temporary pleasures can lead to self-hatred on so many levels.  Once the "deed" is done, nothing can be done to regain the fleeting feelings of that moment. However, the guilt of having sacrificed your morals and undermining your character causes the onset of completely new feelings which can gnaw at your mental psyche for a prolonged amount of time.

 

In addition, today's medical dictionary can barely keep up with the new strands of communicable diseases that can be spread through the most intimate of human interactions.  Birth rates steadily increase as the number of unwanted pregnancies and unwanted children continue to create a downward spiral of socio-economic problems that continue to plague our country.    

Fear: An Open Call For New Leadership

I was raised black.

In saying that, I have to acknowledge the fact that I like to dance to my favorite song whenever it plays in my head. I like to laugh out loud (at times) when I am most embarrassed. And, I know that I will be watched everywhere I go - whether it is a corner store or an inaugural ball - because the world expects me to do something worthy of reprimand.

As a child, I often wondered why black history was omitted from the history books in school. Then, as I grew older, I learned that if all Americans were actually taught the true history of America, we would be forced to deal with the harsh reality of oppression that has lingered since slavery.   Even after being emancipated, people of color have remained enslaved by a legal system that seemingly thrives by denying a large populous of this country their civil and economic freedoms.

I sincerely doubt if half of this country's population even knows about the accomplishments of Black Wall Street, the massacure of over 10,000 blacks in 1921, or the Detroit race riots of 1863, 1943, and 1967.   In each case, countless lives were lost each time our community dared to advance in spite of oppressive boundaries that were intended to limit our community's potential.

Long ago, I realized that being "raised black" came with just as many precautions as it did freedoms.  Don't do this.  Don't do that.  I was free to enjoy gym class as long as I liked; however, I was not expected to excel in chemistry or math. I was free to stay after school for track, band, or football; yet, I was hardly ever asked to join study groups or eat my lunch at an integrated table. I was always expected to be the comical "life of the party"; yet, I was also the central focus at these same gatherings if something went missing or if the police were called.

I understood, at a young age, that the color of my skin came with added pressures and responsibilities. To this day, I tell my doctor that I do not have high blood pressure - I am just constantly under duress due to the things that I must deal with on a sub-conscious level at all times. Being black in America is an added "pressure" that his medical equipment could not compensate for, so the medical readings of my pulse may be higher than my counterparts who do not deal with my day-to-day dilemmas.Going to the store could be a death sentence for me – if I am in the wrong place at the right time.

A Celebration of Struggle, Triumph, and Change....

February is a month filled with both, celebration and revelation.

Celebrations of any kind should be a time to reflect on the accomplishments - as well as the hurdles – of a person or people.  This month, as children around the country are taught about a handful of American heroes who happened to be black, we should all pause long enough to reflect on WHY these accomplishments are more than mundane.

 

 

Much of the “history” we repeatedly celebrate is no more than two or three generations old.  Our children are being corralled together into a “group think” mentality where they will no longer research the struggles of their own race, but instead, accept only the accomplishments of a select few.  Although, I do applaud the heroes of the civil rights movement, the abolitionists, and the inventors who changed the perceptions of African-Americans, I also celebrate the millions of unsung heroes who came to these distant shores in chains and sacrificed their lives, families, and more in this unending attempt to be seen as equals in America. 

In celebrating American history, we need to remove our blinders that tell us of only the good, palatable stories of change.  We, as a country brimming with diversity, should begin to teach REAL HISTORY in our schools every month of the year instead of dissecting one race from another and only speaking of accomplishments.