He Who Throws The First Stone

I recently shared an exchange with a friend over the context and residual effects of today's media, music and entertainment. We both stated arguments supporting our opinions and a few pivotal examples proved to lead us into a spiraling discussion.  Although some parts of our debate became a little were heated, we chose an amicable end with each of us agreeing to disagree; yet, walk away with a respectful understanding of one another's views.

Now, I invite you to join the conversation and consider the probability of there being more to the direction of the subliminal messaging of the different resources feeding our minds. Personally, it is my belief that society is controlled by the use of repeated messaging that excite the senses.  

If He Was Great Before...

One of the most popular songs of the summer of 2019 had us all bouncing and bobbing our heads to a catchy beat, an unlikely songstress, and an underlying message of discord in relationships.  Starting off with the grammatically challenged line, "Why men great 'til they gotta be great?", this song immediately challenges the stability of relationships and the standards used to create value in our more intimate relationships.

I contended that even the video suggests that the definition of manhood was up to the determination of the female in the relationship. In it, she has the power to deflate or inflate the ego of her mate and, ultimately, determine his self worth; defaming him at will. 

When a person finds himself/ herself in love, they are completely exposed to their mate.  Their opinions and standards mesh, in most cases, and they look to each other for reassurance,  comfort, and understanding.   As they learn to complement each other's strengths and weaknesses,  they create an unrivaled synergy that defines their relationship and makes their union uniquely their own.

In direct contrast,  their "knowing" each other so intimately can also place a wedge between them during arguments and emotional rifts.  Depending on how vindictive one (or both) might be to the other, a war of words may be enough to sever the ties that bind them together.   

Through The Looking Glass

Name calling (punk, bitch, coward, whore) may seem like a quick way to inflict pain, but the scars that are caused by hearing your soulmate's low opinion of you may never heal as they echo in your minds long after the arguments are settled.   By asking, "why men great...", Lizzo hints at the fact that she once thought that her mate was great; probably drawn to him by the same characteristics that she now highlights as a negative.  But, when presented with an opportunity to be her knight in shining armor, these same components of his character may have left her feeling as if he'd handled a situation differently than she would have expected.  And although he reacted according to his own moral character, her reactionary outburst reveals that her ideal mate would have done more to "save her" with fanfare, romance, or valor.

Now, by verbalizing her thoughts through song, the pain is felt on both sides of the relationship.  Her expectations are lowered and his level if confidence is lessened as others dance along to her beat and chant along with her.  Time is now her adversary  as his thoughts and isolation may spin out of control. Unless they have a fruitful conversation immediately,  they may both spiral into a thought pattern that will breed division, ridicule, and spite.  Eventually. they may be so blinded by the "monsters they create in their heads" that they fail to see the genuine love that initially pulled them together. 

Should you ever find flaws in your mate, just remember that the mirror has two sides.  That person may have already identified a laundry list of flaws of their own, but decided to love you entirely.   That being: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the parts we secretly keep in the dark.   By exposing one's weaknesses publicly,  we sometimes expose our own ugliness and no longer appear as the ideal partner.  

Don't Risk Real Love For Fantasy

Still, mending the relationship is not  completely impossible.   If Yong and Yang can agree to have a conversation where they each have an opportunity to speak freely about how these harmful words weigh heavily on their hearts, they may be able to heal over time.  When in love, remember to choose your words wisely.  Once the fighting is over, you have to be able to navigate around the new landscape of honesty that you've created with the stones you've thrown.   If you can't offer reassurance and overcome the obstacles you've created, then you may not be able to ever resolve the eyesores, cuts, and scrapes of the past.  Because of this, there may be no future....  

And, who is to say that someone else will ever come along and accept you and your flaws entirely ever again?

But, alas, this is just ONE Man's Opinion and I'm well aware that there may be others.  So, please feel free to add a comment and join the conversation.   I look forward to reading your thoughts...  

Welcome To The Real Me

Life continues to amaze me....

Some friends and I were out eating at a local BOB and enjoying a hearty, round table discussion.  Suddenly, an associate who had joined us blurted out - loudly and a little annoyed - "I see you, man.  You're the centerpiece of this whole ensemble!  I'm just going to call you King Arthur all night.".    Laughingly, he just sat back and enjoyed the conversations for the rest of the evening. Occasionally,  he would point out proof of his discovery each time I'd make remarks or offer my own advice to my friends around this round table.

It seems that our guest had unwittingly become aware that I was a different person to each one of my friends seated ergonomically around the table.  Watching my multifaceted personality revolve through so many ongoing conversations without losing my place, he realized that the members of my entourage all looked to me for different reasons; be it strength, reinforcement, or weakness.  I, on the other hand, acted as guide and advisor; living vicariously through their experiences.

Like an unwilling culinary student peeling back the layers of a sweet Vidalia,  he watched my chameleon-like persona as I unraveled one friends quandaries to reveal their common denominator and simultaneously pieced together another's  missteps to uncover his needs.  Because I've always been a logical student of life, these talents came easily because I've always been able to remove emotional content from my decision making processes.  This "talent" has always been both, my blessing and my curse - but it was, still, a talent that seemingly blessed others while stifling my own personal experiences.

You see, my ability to favor the rationalie over the emotional has allowed me to wean vicariously through the experiences of others; never really having to live through a given situation to wholly embrace it.  Because of this, I am able to clearly resolve issues as our symbiotic relationships flourish due to my shielding  somewhat parental, advisory role allows me to spew opinion through a straightforward delivery.

My peaceful resolve with my ENTJ personality has come after years of self evaluation, annual reviews, hard choice separations and wisely picked associations.   Treating my personal branding as an entrepreneurial exploit, I've created an outward "representative" who successfully interacts with the world. In direct contrast,  my true character finds itself intertwined betwixt the real and superficial worlds we each live in daily.   My studies of religion,  biorythms, astrology, and reasoning have created a protective buffer that enables me to remain unscathed on my emotionless journey through this dimension.  Yet, it leaves a yearning in my core that wonders about the detachment of my social interactions and raises questions as to whether or not I am truly living to my fullest extent or simply experiencing life as an orbital with no real connection to those around me. 

It has taken me decades to champion this ongoing volley of ideologies,  but I've made peace with the man that  I am.  Remaining reserved, but direct and blunt,, but considerate, I have embraced the beauty of my simple, complexed persona.  I easily identify the attributes of my circle and strategically empower the strengths and weaknesses of my surroundings.   I avoid confrontation and circumvent distractions while looking at both, the beginning and the end of life's labyrinth. 

To gain access to the real "me" is a great thing, if I must say so myself.   I am a loyal friend, an attentive lover, and I find pleasure and excitement in successful outcomes.   Only a handful of people can say they've truly experienced all of me, but all who have had the pleasure of calling me an acquaintance are pleased with the charm and consistent character they've entertained. I guess what I am trying to say is this: "I like me and, given the chance,  you will,  too".

So peal back the layers.   Embrace the intricacies of my focused wandering.  Laugh at my naivety and challenge my well grounded opinions.   In the end,  we'll both be better,  well rounded individuals.   

Now, I  emplore you to subject yourself to consider the same self-scrutiny on a regular basis.  Once you've honestly embraced all of your own idiosyncrasies and weirdly right-for-you nuances,  can you say the same about yourself?  Do you like you?  And,  if I were to actually meet the real you, would I like them too?

But alas, these are only the ponderings of ONE Man's Opinion.   What say ye?

American Justice: In Black And White

Racial disparities in America are not an issue; however, the laws that govern our people are...

A Wikipedia search substantiates the fact that racial rioting is not new to America.  Since the early 1800s, this country has gone through over more than 120 racially motivated riots that disproportionally left thousands of minorities dead although they, themselves, were rarely the catalyst for the violence that ensued.  Tear gas, live ammunition, fires and smoke bombs seem to be "standard procedure" in instances where race is the dividing line in any given issue.

So-called Native Americans have been reduced to living on reservations.  Hispanics remain uneducated and under-employed in vast numbers.  And, history has all but forgotten that Tulsa, OK, was the first city in America to be bombed from the air -destroying an entire city of African Americans simply because they were more successful than their surrounding non-black neighbors who were jealous of their economic success.

At some point, we have to review the commonalities of these racial riots and begin to seek a real resolve.  Short-term laws and public apologies are simply "band aids" that pacify problems.  However; we never deal successfully with the problems at hand.  If America is to attempt to "fix" the issues of policing in minority communities, we must, first, change the stereotypical perception of our American minorities.

We must offer solutions for the underlying issues of poverty, mis-education, and unemployment that systematically plague communities of color and the poor.  It is necessary to deal with these issues of head first.  Policing in under-served neighborhoods (be they black, white, or brown) is the same across the board.  But, acknowledging that we have an issue with race seems to spark debate solely because few are willing to endure the initial rush of emotions that result from beginning a conversation.

Both, classism and racism combine to produce a perfect storm of mixed emotions that erupt into civil unrest.   More than any other country in the world, the "land of the free" has continually promoted racial oppression, and a segregated justice system.   Oddly enough, the only common denominator in all of these riots is "fear of what could have happened".

And our American history, as it is recorded, almost always describes the victims of oppression as people with prior police records, a menacing demeanor, or those who were "acting suspiciously".   In short, the American justice system is a direct reflection of the old adage, "He who has the gold, makes the rules".  I prefer to say, "He who has a goal, manipulates the rules...".

The 2016 election cycle has begun to chip away at the iceberg of mis-information spread across this country.  By exposing the extremist ideology of the right and left,  America is forced to have conversations about topics we have been afraid to approach for decades.  Now, daily talk shows and news outlets openly deal with educating the poor, policing habits and brutality, and the disproportionate wealth distributions in America.  But, alas, we sometimes get distracted by the more obvious themes of racism, prejudice, and fear.

 If we choose to focus solely on the symptoms of this disease, we will never find a cure.

Yes, we need to address the obvious; but, we also need to look beyond the surface issues and look for solutions that will heal this nation at its core.  To begin to end racism, we must review the issues that only exist in minority communities. Rather than ask about a symptom like "black on black crime" we should challenge the fact that there is no money for after school programs, arts and music in our inner city schools, or no job training for the under-employed.  Yet, there is a new stadium in the same neighborhood and homes are being boarded up daily.  Looking through this lens, we can begin to see why someone might feel hostile and lash out at the nearest victim of their aggression.   I, in no way, condone the behaviors of crime and violence, but we must be mature enough to question why the exist at all.

This nation is sick.  We have ingested our own hatred so many times until we now are numb to its taste. 

We see senseless deaths as a way of life and we justify ignorance as a lack of will.  Surely, there must be a remedy.  We have to begin to talk about our social ills and then, demand that the laws be changed to be inclusive rather than exclusive.  We must put aside the fear of being misled and take the reigns of our own education.  Participation in the political process is just the beginning - but showing up and being counted may just assure that some thins will begin to change...

Instead of sit-ins and marches, create bills that must be reviewed by Congress for approval.  Register to vote by the millions and participate in the political process.  Unify and boycott businesses that do not stand beside you or your community in your fight for justice.  And, finally, use the political system as an asset instead of waging war against it.   Learn the laws that govern and - if you don't like them - write new ones.

But, alas, these are just the rantings of ONE Man's Opinion... What is yours?

The Art Of War: Genocide Begins With The Black Male

Listen and respond....

Hidden Colors - War Against Black Men

Social injustices will continue to freckle our history until we learn that we have to become more than agitators. We cannot request a system of oppression that was built on the basis of cultural genocide to actually reprimand itself. Until we learn to write our own legislation into the governing books of law, then we can only expect to be looked upon as "sheep for the slaughter" who simply don't know the rules to this game.

Personally, I do not support protesting unless there is a measurable goal trying to be achieved.... Public protesting is no more than a visual irritant to an oppressive system. The only effective measures that must be taken would be to march after signing petitions which penalize actions or offer legislative suggestion that could, then, be turned into laws which will govern the future actions of those involved. In saying that, I'm merely suggesting that these same protesters seek legal guidance first. By having a bill created and signed as a petition by thousands, new laws could be written that would immediately strip rights and privileges away from anyone who kills or injures (voluntarily or involuntarily) a person while in the act of attempting to incarcerate them.

If an officer knew that there was a law that governed the aftermath of their pulling the trigger or performing a life threatening maneuver, they would be less likely to use deadly force on citizens. Rather than administrative leave with pay, strip them of their badge, demand six months of retraining and PTSD counseling before being allowed to reapply for an administrative career in police enforcement, and offer absolutely no administrative leave. By suggesting an extreme repercussion for mishandling their authority, policemen would reconsider their actions in even the most heated engagements.

The visual impact of public protests shows that we have power in our collective strengths. Before this happens again... Before we create another hashtag... And, while we can still breathe...   Let's just learn to play their game by adding our own laws written by our own communities into the books of law that so loosely govern this country. We have strength in our numbers, but because we don't study the laws or know the rules of the game, then we will always irritate the system, but (in the end) do nothing to control our fate.