Winning The Relationship War

The romance should never end... 

Sometimes, in order to gain ground in your relationships, you have to, first, take the time to understand and resolve any ongoing issues.  Recently, I was engaging a colleague and recommended that she try these "exercises" at home in order to bring some cohesion to her marriage.  In a matter of months, she reminded me oof our initial conversation and that her results were extremely successful, although it did require commitment to betterment on both sides.  After hearing this, I thought I would pass these little points of interest along ... 

  

Date Night

You two are required to have a “date night” once a week.  You can accomplish this by going out, eating dinner alone on the patio, cuddling up for a movie, washing cars together, or even picking out each others clothes for a week.…  During “date night”, no one is allowed to complain about anything, but you do get to talk about what makes you happy that you are together.  You can only complement each other and be as nice as possible.  Who knows – one of you might get lucky before the night is over! 

Fight Night or "The Punch Pouch"

Fighting is actually good for a relationship.  But, like professional boxing, fights should have rules, time outs, and "no hitting below the belt".  Instead of arguing daily, just write down what your thoughts and place them in a brown bag or pouch.  Once a week, you each have to read one thought that the other had during the week and resolve the issue without arguing.  This gives you both time to "cool off" from a heated debate and resolve the issue after you have each had time to consider your actions, your contribution to the chaos, and your partner's feelings.  Your discussion is limited to one hour and the "winner" should be awarded with an apology and a kiss.  Sorry, no real punches allowed.  

 Listening & Learning

If you cannot resolve an issue on a given topic; money, kids, career, etc. then here is a secondary use for that "punch pouch".  Write down a topic you would like to discuss and set aside a day and time to get serious about a decision.  But, before attempting to resolve anything or re-stating your own ideas, each of you has to re-state exactly what the other person thinks about the topic.  That will prove that you are listening and it may even make you two understand each other more.  After being able to state how the other feels, come to a resolution that has both solutions in one.

Sometimes, the only thing we need to do is observe a situation from a different perspective.  In order for any situation to work, all parties must be considered equally.  By taking the time to hear, rephrase, and re-speak what your partner desires from you, we can gain more than there is to lose.

Try one or all of these strategies in your relationship and let me know if they work for you....