Sometimes, You Can Become Your Own "Boogie Man"

Life is repeat with learning moments…

As a child, we are taught “fear” by those around us who tell us that the “Boogie Man" will get you if you don’t go to bed or listen to your parents.  This fear sometimes paralyzes us by invoking the idea of an unseen monster that awaits us around hidden corners. 

Although our parents are fully aware that no such being exists, the imagination of a child will breathe life into every shadow.  Their young minds can create footsteps from the sound of a ticking clock and screams from the scratching of a tree limb against the window.  You see, your imagination can make anything real.  If this is true, then, you can become prey to your own thoughts.

As an adult, I have learned that the “Boogie Man” is very real, indeed. 

Workplace conversations can create an atmosphere of exaggerations that make everyday occurrences seem like declarations of war.   If a person’s perception of you is marred, so then is their reality.  No matter how good your intentions may be, if someone already has a preconceived notion about you, then it may be difficult to allow them to see the "real you" instead of the Boogie Man they've created in their minds.   

If others think you are speaking about them to others, then – no matter what is said – you are guilty in their eyes.    In kind, if you think there is favoritism in the workplace, then – guess what – no matter how untrue it is; you will always see things that way.    My question to you is, "How do you defeat the "Boogie Man" at work?"

Some people are skilled at creating a web of falsehoods in other people’s minds.  

These people are always assuming why, what, and who without ever having all of the required information to make such accusations.  They over-exaggerate every instance and attack your strengths as a way of compensating for their own shortcomings.  These same people speak with such conviction that others may unwittingly lean to their understanding of a situation without ever evaluating actual facts for themselves.  Then, without your knowledge, your comrades mentally tailor a “Boogie Man” that walks, talks, and looks just like you. 

How do you defeat the "Boogie Man" at work?  You have to be aware of your surroundings.  Learn to police the water-cooler conversations without actually "giving in" to the assumptions.  Trying to explain your actions will only offer fuel to the flames of doubt around your sincerity.  Some people specialize in breathing lies into your truths and can make your honest actions seem misdirected.   This type of loathing can stem from jealousy, insecurity, or just plain old ill-will.  Let's admit it... some people just love misery.  Others only see the negative in everything.  Either way, you have to remain aware and learn how to use the negative energy around you to elevate yourself above the deceptions and use this same energy to usher you toward achieving your goals.  In short, you have to "let you haters be your motivators!"

You see, it takes energy to create – and maintain – lies about other people.  If others are willing to devote their time and attention to you, learn to enjoy the attention.  By doing this, you can expose the truth in the most subtle manner.  Since the spotlight is already on your actions, challenge yourself to always do your best at every task.  Allow the scrutiny of your actions to become a platform for recognition of a job well done.  Remember to never compromise who you are or even respond to the rumors directly.  Simply recoil from erroneous conversations and maintain your standards.  As we all learned as we grew up, the “Boogie Man” simply disappeared when we stopped giving it energy.  In kind, so will the undercurrent of office deceptions.  

Remember to continually evaluate yourself.  Be mindful that your self-confidence could easily be misinterpreted as arrogance.  For this reason, you must learn to humble yourself even when you feel you are not in error.  Acknowledge and own your portion of any ongoing issues and, then, begin to manage your professional perceptions.  Monitor your actions and how they impact others.  Acknowledge your differences and respond accordingly.  It may call for compromise or even adopting a different style of working, but it will not be in vain.  

Your style of doing things may upset others, so you must learn to mesh your working style with those around you - even asking for additional input in instances where you may feel as if it may not be warranted.  The lessons that could be learned by including other may become invaluable.  Be willing to openly discuss work expectations and separate business from personal matters.   Remember that problems only arise in personal relationships when people place their own expectations on other people.  Workplace relationships are no different. 

Learn to share credit, engage others on their level, and “play along” so that all will see that office illusions were just imaginations running wild.   Even more so, learn to accept that no one has to live up to your personal expectations in order to do their job well - nor you; theirs.  Provide others the space to be themselves and learn to mesh personalities for the benefit of the workplace.  You may even want to go so far as to take personality tests and post them in your work areas.  That way, people will know who they are dealing with as they approach your desk rather than just walking away from you with bitter feelings.  A great example of one such personality test is here.

It may be possible that we have all created a “Boogie Man” that breeds separation from our coworkers.  That’s right; something as simple as your personality can evoke fear in others.   In essence, we all can become the proverbial "boogie man" in the room and cause others to feel intimidated or overshadowed.  If you are strategic enough to shed some light on the true issues on your team instead of focusing on the child-like assumptions, then the shadows of deception disappear.    

Think about it: Michael Jordan was once a great stand-alone player.  When he figured out how to balance his style with the strengths and talents of his entire team, then he emerged as a legend. They all worked together to achieve a common goal.  So, in kind, you must also learn to incorporate the fears of others, share the spotlight, and get rid of the undercurrent of separation.  Then, the “Boogie Man” at your workplace will gradually disappear into the darkness and worry you no more.