I recently encountered a friend who left me with a challenging thought: "If the person that you think you are were to meet the person everyone knows you to be, would those two people like each other? Would they even recognize each other?"
This stumped me for a moment . I am always the one advising others on how to manage their perceptions, but had I done enough to successfully manage my own? You see, everyone wears an emotional mask at some point throughout their lives. We hide our vulnerabilities, protect our hearts, and sugarcoat the truth by creating a public persona unlike ourselves.
We willfully subscribe to the idea of having a "representative" speak on our behalf; often projecting a more sound image of ourselves to the world. Some people choose to conceal the scars that molded them by failing to acknowledge their pain. Others dwell in re-living their "glory days;" never growing beyond those experiences. You've seen them, they commonly end their sentence with, "Those were the good old days..." Ultimately, we all attempt to create an alter ego for the public. How different is your representative from you?
Your representative is that personality that leads the conversation and answers questions with your own personal swagger; be ye nerd or be ye knight. This alternate personality acts as a buffer between you and the world. It allows you to deal with life without truly embracing the experiences of others. You can conceal your true feelings behind politically correct candor. Your representative can forge workplace associations; yet, establish no new friendships. This personality is who you want to be: strong, confident, sound., slightly above the fray, aware.
But, aside from this persona, how are you perceived by others? Regardless of your intent, people may view you as anything ranging from a mentor to today's comedic relief. Some people see beyond the faux representative and may consider you to be insincere and untrustworthy. And, no matter how much you try to groom your representative after the surveys have come in, "perception is -and always will be - reality".
If the people around you don't see you as you see you, who really has the problem?
More importantly, how do you percieve yourself? Do you acknowledge your weaknesses as much as you brag about your strengths? Is your representative the most likeable person in the room? Do you take the time to play with the inner child who still lives within you? Are we all successfully dealing with the demons of our past, celebrating every freedom life offers, or even beginning to explore new options without bias?
I challenge you to stand in front of a mirror and honestly speak to your reflection. Make faces. Play with different looks. Get to know each other. Only the two of you know where the representative stops and "the real you" begins. Dealing with unfinished business allows you to vecome whole. Once you've found resolve with a situation; walk away and look forward to greater opportunities. Learn what you must, but don't continue to carry the situation around. You have permission to free yourself.
We have all done something that we are ashamed of. We all have a darker side, a sad story to share, or an experience we will never forget. We all have a "backdrop" of experiences that continually shape our conduct, our responses, our gestures, and even our facial expressions. You may mean well or think you are a good friend, but how are you perceived?
How we choose to internally deal with our emotional baggage determines how you will respond to other situations throughout your life. In kind, how we choose to externally deal with personal matters on a public platform creates the birth of our "representative" .
By confronting your reality on a regular interval, you allow yourself time to breathe, laugh, cry, purge, understand, and finally, recover. Relieving undue stress allows new energy to fill the void. Not dealing with your truth can create mental instability, alternate egos, and an unrealistic, split personality.
I encourage you to get to know and support your inner child. Allow yourself to ask those hard questions about your strengths and weaknesses and be prepared to reshape your perception of the truth. Enrich your relationships. Learn to continually release the negative energies that bind you to a situation. Replace negativity, blame, and confusion with acceptance, ownership, and understanding.
Emotional baggage only weighs you down and limits your potential growth. It also blinds you from seeing the blessings you're being offered today. By successfully resolving issues, you'll find an inner peace that becomes your outward projection. The image seen in your mirror becomes "true to you". Strangely enough, your representative will become a true reflection of you.
Now, take the time to answer the initial question: Would they like each other? Would they even know each other? If you've begun to tear down the barriers that are separating you from your happiness, then the answer should be,"Yes, they are one in the same."
Under no circumstances will I let my inner child out. This world is too cruel. She would not be embraced. She is extremely loving and would not be accepted. She only sees good in all. She would be destroyed instantly. People embrace her representative. They wouldn't like her. Sad, but true.
ReplyDeleteCool post and very insightful. I often feel as though I am misunderstood. I think that people view me through a presumptive lens. My appearance, the way I carry myself, my sense of humor... these are all things that you have to just "get". However, I have been doing a lot of self-reflection lately. I want to make a more conscious effort to project the 'real me' whenever I am interacting with someone (especially for the first time). I think that often times, perception can be altered when we ALL give each other something that is honestly scare for us all -time.
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