Each morning as I drive
to work, I tune in to The Steve Harvey Show.
I listen to this show as it does offer a comedic look at many of today’s
influences while still providing some great music from yester-year and
today. A portion of the show is
dedicated to Shirley Strawberry as she reads and answers relationship letters. This portion of the show is appropriately
named the “Strawberry Letter”.
This morning's letter read as follows:
I am
a 33 year old women no kids. I am also an RN. I thought I had found the man of my dreams but,
he turned out to be more like the child I wish I never had. Everything was great at first. It took
a while to bring him around the family - just to make sure. Then, after we got
engaged and started planning the wedding, there were issues with him saving
money. He thought the number I set for our guest list was too big. See the
thing is, he never had his mom and dad in his life, but I have and with a good
foundation. (Judgingby) the way he treated me at (the beginning of the
relationship), I did not think it mattered.
He
has female ways; like whining. We even went to counseling and his attitude
really started to stink. I'm seeing (that) he is bipolar. I'm truly hurt and
can’t stop crying. I don’t know what to do. He's the first guy I've dated like this.
I think he's jealous of the bond (that) I have with my family.
He is a Scorpio and just has this strong personality that scares me. I've been having these crazy dreams. I'm just scared and ready to give up. I don't want to settle, but I'm ready to be complete in my life. I have the career and I just want a good man to complete me. But, I have a nasty feeling because what man calls a wedding off that he barely is paying for? Please help me and give advice to a woman who really doesn’t know what to do... I just cannot get over this. PLEASE HELP.
I was a little upset by
the fact that every response from the staff told the woman to RUN. As this was the most obvious and reasonable
answer, no one pointed out the fact that the letter reads as an egotistical pat
on the back and that the real problem may be the person with the pen…. From my observation, I noticed that the writer makes repeated documentations of her mate's flaws without ever mentioning her own…. Of course, I responded online by saying:
"I think that it
is important to realize what isn't being said in the letter.... What is his
job, family situation (children / living arrangements / etc.), and why is his
zodiac sign important to her? Her value
system seems braggadocios and demeaning which may be causing him concern over
the fact that she will be hard to compete with, please, or even "stomach" from day-to-day. She makes no note of his good qualities and
speaks about him as if he is an accessory in her (already perfect) life rather
than a husband-to-be. Men look for mates
that COMPLEMENT their personality. She
is looking for a man that will COMPLETE her picture-perfect life.
Is she truly in
love? That word was never
mentioned. She wants a fairy-tale life
with all the bells and whistles, but has made no room for error - only judgment. He may not be perfect for her, but this still
may not be due to any of his shortcomings.
Her expectations of a perfect world may just be too far for anyone to
reach...."
As I stated, men commonly
look for mates that complement their life.
As a noun, complement means “something that completes or makes perfect”.
She seems to make no compensation for who
he is or what his stance is in life. Rather
than trying to fix him through counseling, maybe she should accept him where he
is, fill in the voids and COMPLETE him.
With a slightly different spelling; however, compliment
can also mean, “an expression of
praise, commendation, or admiration”. Nowhere in this letter does this woman make
room for any resemblence of praise. I understand
the letter may have been written in haste, but if you love someone, you
normally have something good to say at some point. Saying “he treated me well in the beginning”
still says nothing about what she feels about him; only what she expects from
him.
Sometimes, we are the reason for our own
unhappiness. Trying to bend someone else
to conform to your ideas is not an easy task.
Many times, it is unwarranted and easily undone. Trying to elude reality and replace it with
your own version of “perfect” is even harder.
Lyfe Jennings has one-line of advice in his song, Statistics that rings true. If you are looking for a perfect mate, make sure you are pefect as well. "Don't be a nickle out here looking for a dime" suggests that you first evaluate yourself before beginnng to judge others. It may be that you, yourself, are not worthy of the image you project...
But alas, I digress… This is just ONE Man’s Opinion….
Click on the comment button and share yours…
I, too, listen to "The Strawberry Letter" & I must have missed this particular one...glad u reposted. I think she should run because of all the negative signs/feelings "she" has. Although u have suggested she may want a "fairytale" ending---by her account she is having more of a "Nightmare on Elm Street" experience. Writing to Shirley was probably a process of waking herself up & acknowledging that "something is not right". I agree with you that she should evaluate herself. While it may be inconvenient to cancel and face the disappointment of other's reactions ..this long-term commitment definitely should not be entered into without some soul searching. If she doesn't like these character traits now, she will h-a-t-e HIM later. (greyhoundnthehouze!)
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