While walking home from a local bodega tonight, I was blessed with the opportunity to exchange ideas with a colleague who was facing challenges in his relationship. I usually offer an attentive ear and limit my responses when others are venting their frustrations because life has taught me that opinion is plentiful, knowledge is earned, and advice is something that should be asked for and not given freely. Even then, it is important to temper words, taper emotions, and tap dance lightly so that the person seeking advice still feels free to consider your words as an optional avenue to resolve their issues instead of seeing it as an unwarranted, forceful solution to end their woes.
Although my friend expressed a great deal of anxiety over his situation, I walked quietly by his side as we navigated the sidewalks and juggled the weight of groceries from hand to hand. His frustration stemmed from the endless efforts he was exhausting to ensure that he maintained happiness in his home. He worked tirelessly each day to ensure that every whim was satisfied. He showered his spouse with attention and often found that his greatest attempts were overshadowed by a constant need for more material things, his attendance at more family outings, and sharing more responsibilities inside the home. To him, there weren't enough hours in the day to do all that he was expected to do for his wife, his children, or his home. Yet, he tried to do his best and, seemingly, it was just wasn't enough.
Finally, after arriving on the street that would lead us each home, he stopped walking, looked blankly toward his home, and asked me, "What more can one man do?" Seeing my friend drowning in his own thoughts, I ushered him toward a bench, placed my bag down and said, "Listen more than you talk. React just as much as you take action. And, most importantly, stop trying to add hours to your day instead of making the most of the hours you're given with your family..."
You see, I learned a long time ago that we often create the obstacles in our lives. So, logically; we can save ourselves from hardships by dealing with them differently. If someone is constantly demanding more of you, stop long enough to hear what theyre asking and why. If you're constantly working to prove yourself as the ultimate provider, then you may be the reason that they see you as a bank with never ending resources. Set limits on spending, work hours, and time spent away from family..
Rather than driving your children to and from school, take the time once a week to walk them to or from school or through s park. Talk with them about their school, friends, fears and triumphs. Listen for true emotional content and discover who they're becoming without always imposing your own expectations on them. Fathering a child is the easy part. However; it takes a lot more than rules and a seat in your luxury car before they will affectionately refer to you as their dad.
And, just as importantly, learn to take time for yourself. Running at full steam every day will, one day, become too exhaustive for your body. Learn to rest, exercise, and refuel yourself often with by e romancing your spouse and remembering all the reasons that you've created this union. By investing more time in your family, you'll find greater rewards and true richness in your life.
As my friend sat there nodding in agreement, we said our goodbyes and picked up my groceries. As I made my way down the street I realized that I, too, should take a moment to listen to my own advice and make sure that I build more value to each day. I decided not to cook my "dinner for one" once I got home. I'll visit my mom and sister tomorrow with "dinner for three" and make more than a meal... We'll make some memories instead.