Because many of my blogs have focused on relationships, a large number of my more responsive readers are female. However, I was pleasantly surprised to read a note left on a different blog in which a male reader sought my opinion on an age old topic.
The idea of infidelity taunts anyone who is given reason to insecure in their relationships. In short, the best way to avoid uncomfortable situations is to always think of your partner first...
An anonymous reader writes:
“I am hurt and don't know what direction to take! To make a long story short, I made a horrible mistake and, in return, I lost someone who was very dear to me! I just want an opinion from someone on how to start the forgiving process within myself. This is something I don't think I could ever forgive myself for. I really messed up and I don't know how to forgive myself for what I've done!
“I am hurt and don't know what direction to take! To make a long story short, I made a horrible mistake and, in return, I lost someone who was very dear to me! I just want an opinion from someone on how to start the forgiving process within myself. This is something I don't think I could ever forgive myself for. I really messed up and I don't know how to forgive myself for what I've done!
Long story short... I
violated someone I loved by having someone else in their bed. We didn't have
sex, but the way it looked, we may as well have done it! Do I need to count this as a
total loss or is there any way to salvage this relationship? I'm not a bad guy, I just made
a major mistake and I'm hurt for hurting our possibilities.... What should I do?”
Please feel free to
respond with your opinions as well… After all, the following is just ONE Man's Opinion....
Hmmm... As I can only offer my opinion, your response reads as a one-sided argument. You make no mention of how your actions were received or what would lead you to make such a tragic mistake. If, indeed, you were in a relationship that would have required mutual respect, you would have never have shared your mate's bed with another because you would have considered her feelings from the onset of the situation - not at the end. How does something innocent escalate into a compromising position without your willful consent? It doesn't. It sounds as if you were a willing participant in your own demise.
ReplyDeleteNowhere in your note do you mention her forgiving you but, instead, you focus on forgiving yourself. Your focus still seems misdirected even after you have "violated" someone else. A relationship is the consideration of two people for every aspect of another's being. Being selfish during a relationship by lying and cheating only instills a bitterness in the heart of the mate to whom you are deceiving. Your focus should have been on her throughout the relationship and - if you were thinking like a responsible lover - you would have avoided heartbreak just by thinking like a couple instead of a single man.
Firstly, if she is willing to speak to you after desecrating the most sacred place in her home, ask for forgiveness. It may not come easily but, at the least, your words and actions will show a hint of remorse for having been a fool. Secondly, get serious with yourself and learn to see beyond the length of your penis. It seems like you let the little head do more thinking than the bigger one. No one would ever believe that "nothing happened" in a scenario where sex and infidelity carry such a strong overtone. Why risk a healthy, happy relationship for a temporary fling? Why live a lie when someone else is attempting to offer you more than sex - but a whole lifetime of happiness?
Sex (or the appearance of sex) will always be a temptation, but a real man knows when and where to draw the line. If you continually fail to respect the relationship you are in, no one will ever respect you... Including yourself. To make a long story short, GROW UP - no one can have their cake and eat it too!
I don't doubt that you are a good guy, but your note tells me that you seem to act childishly and react to situations in a very selfish manner. In order to forgive yourself, you have to determine what you have learned from this situation and try to be truthful with yourself (and others) moving forward... Maybe next time, you won't sacrifice true love for temporary sex.
Thanks for the response!
DeleteI think there is an issue in being taught to respect oneself and others. You have to make sure you are appreciating all loved ones and think about how would I feel and react if this were done to me. Sex is supposedly sacred--that's just the truth. Taking a hard look in the mirror and not sexualizing oneself, especially if you are extremely beautiful is hard for some people in this day and age of everything from deodorant to allergy medication being sexualized. People have to realize that you have to pay for everything you choose to do, if not in this lifetime , it will be in the next. We have to think beyond the "meat suit" that we wear here on earth.
ReplyDeleteI would encourage the writer to stop and think about what he/she truly wants in a "marriage" with his/her partner and pursue a deeper relationship with his/her thoughts, needs, and spiritual reality (not talking religious dogma).
WMEADOWS
Yes, you violated !!! Respect ! Respect! Respect....Your feeling are missed placed. Think of when you were small and mother told you..." Treat others as you would like to be treated".
ReplyDelete