Some memories come back as clearly as remembering what I just ate for breakfast this morning. Others come through a series of dreams and conversations. But, who would have thought that after being away from my VA home for over 35 years, I'd be sitting in my house in GA having a conversation with a coworker? A coworker who just happens to have grown up in the same VA neighborhood that I did when I was a child.
Admittedly, I had forgotten many of the names that went with the parade of faces that darted through my mind. I had forgotten about the streets that I intentionally avoided in our neighborhood. My mind recalled the churches that I'd only seen as landmarks and, because we weren't members there, I had never attended. And, my heart still fluttered as I recalled the small stores I'd walked through in haste because - as young, black men - our money was more welcomed there than our prolonged presence. But, here I am. Having a flashback about my teenage years in a small Tidewater town and finally realizing the true impact that the people, places and faces of the past have had on me and their permanent impressions on my thoughts and reactions that shaped me into the man I am today.
Although it was not as evident as a child, the adventures and mis-adventures of our formidable years are inescapable. Our fleeting moments of self discovery have lifelong residuals that we can never escape. Decades later, when we revisit what we thought to be "childhood" decisions, we realize that the psychological footprints left by these whimsical moments are still relevant. We recognize just how pivotal these moments were. And, as these moments somehow echo throughout our lives, we are forced to use a moment from our youth as the framework for our lives and every decision made thereafter.
Take a moment and think. You see, everyone has their own defining moment in life. We each can vividly recall that one decision in life that defines who we are to this day. We each can remember everything about that very instant where you know that if you had gone left instead of right, your entire life would have been completely different. We may even refer to it jokingly as that bittersweet "woulda, coulda, shoulda" moment that you'll always cherish or regret in one way, but remember for a lifetime.
Some of us will never admit to such a moment. For some, it brings shame and dishonor. They remember that moment in silence and grudgingly bury it's pain deep within. But, even doing that, they are forced to carry that shame with them. It lurks behind every decision and weighs heavily in the mind. Because they have chosen not to speak of it, that moment is trapped in a childish prison of perceptions. It is not allowed to ever escape the understanding of a child. And, as it feeds on the thought patterns of it's host, it can become paralyzing and hinder you from ever growing to your true potential in not just one area of life - but in life itself.
Others may have a moment if glory that they recall with great fanfare. That heroism or moment of valor can be that moment that has propelled them into greatness or, inadvertently, it could also be the plateau of their greatness in life. It could be the moment they shined greater than ever before and, because of that, their life has been filled with accolades and rewards. Or, that same moment could greatly overshadow their measures of success in their current lives and now, serve as a measure they will never achieve again.
From the outside looking in, we look at that person and see what once was. We may revel in their past and still see a hero, but they may look at those same moments and see the challenges this moment in time now presents. They may spend their careers trying to achieve the same level of succesperson we are todays again and again until it becomes an exhausting, unobtainable goal. And, if ever given an opportunity to rechart their paths, they wonder if they would do it quite the same.
In hindsight, even the greatest of moments can be riddled with indecision or met with scrutiny. And, those private thoughts that invite other possibilities to come to mind, can sometimes leave us all wondering about those "would have, should have, could have" moments that we can never get back.
Think about it. Be honest with yourself. We all have that "one moment" in our past that now serves as the dividing rod that has shaped us into the person we are today. If I could go back in time, I wonder if I would have been the proud father of twins, married the love of my life, lived abroad, or simply been bold enough to live out loud with a gambit of possibilities that now elude me. No one knows - but I will always wonder.
Whatever the case, the one question that echoes in my mind is the same one that I will pose to you:
"If you could change one decision in your life and do things differently, would you?"
As for me and mine, I have learned to live with the life I have molded. I am thankful for every trial and every triumph. I may have been a slow learner, a stubborn partner, and - quite often - too eager to chart my own path, but every decision has tempered me into the man of steel that I am today. I have lived with regret only to learn forgiveness. I have fallen down enough times just so I would know how to get up again And. I have given more than I have taken; yet, I am continually restored and willing to give more while expecting nothing in return I appreciate every scar; without them I would be eternally flawed.
But, again, this is simply ONE Man's Opinion. What is yours?
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